Writing Milestone

This weekend I have finished writing my first Wattpad book. It has been a very long journey, a labour of love, writing a story with a theme so special and important to me. ‘Make Love Your Goal’ has kept me sane in many ways. I could put all my feelings of love and acceptance of the LGBTQ+…

Lame Excuses

I have come across an article listing lame excuses not to get a divorce. It wasn’t a masterpiece in writing and it was quite repetitive to get to the promised ’20 reasons.’ However, as I have been a victim of some of them myself, I decided to write my own. 1. Loss of Material Comfort –…

Longing

Yesterday, Raven joined me for Happy Hour time. She’s too young to drink but she enjoys the occasional outing, especially if there’s food involved. We are both foodies!  We went to a tapas bar not far from our house – just us, as mom didn’t want to go – got a pint of coke and…

Wonderful Weekend

My weekend started with something that could have totally ruined it: an argument with barely husband.  He was questioning me regarding any additional requirements that may block the house sale. Stupid, as I made it clear that I want the house sold and our finances completely separate as soon as possible.  True to my new…

Being Whole Again

I have been in a down mood for a while. The crying, the despair, the loneliness… I’ve felt it all.  Raven, wise beyond her years, has been my saving grace. I thanked her yesterday. She had been trying to hammer into my mind that as long as I’m feeling needy and basically crap, all I’m…

IT SUCKS! 

I’m home alone right now, crying like a baby and I don’t know what to do with myself. All evening I’ve been trying to find distractions to cover up the fact that I’d like to be out, I’d like to have company and I don’t.  I made no secret that I like sex and I…

Writing Milestone 

I usually post milestones for my Wattpad work but today I want to share two blog milestones for my ‘Diary of a Failed Marriage.’  Earlier this week this happened:  And today this happened : When I started writing, all I wanted was an outlet. I wondered if anyone would ever want to read about a…

My Flowers

Some of the flowers in my garden have crossed. They have become hybrids.  What were meant to be white roses now show splashes of pink and lilac from other flowers growing around it – or over and under it as they have become tangled with each other.  Just like me, they’re not here nor there….

MANCHESTER IS LOVE

MANCHESTER IS A PLACE OF LOVE I was very lucky to spend the most wonderful three years there while going to University. There, I was integrated in a world that saw no boundaries for love. Students of all backgrounds, religious beliefs and sexual orientations lived and worked in harmony. Manchester was where I discovered myself…

RAINBOW REMINDER

You may have noticed from my previous post that I picked Raven up from Drama. Her dad usually does it but he had driven to Scotland and back for work and was exhausted. I noticed his voice was very rough when I called him to ask if he was going to get her. We took…

BUCKET LIST

More like F*CK IT list in my current mood. A lot of things are just stuff I HAVE TO do to sort my life out. It’s not that long… I think. I haven’t written it beforehand so we’ll see! 1.     Buy my own house – I’ve had a few houses before but it has…

I NEED…

…a good fuck. A GREAT fuck. A mind blowing FUCK. With earth shattering orgasms. That always makes things better. Unfortunately, it’s not happening any time soon.

Birthday Wish

I turned 40. I don’t feel any different from before but this age means something. It’s the midlife point, often associated with the famous midlife crisis.  Barely husband has accused me before of doing all this due to some sort of midlife crisis. He has dropped this argument since we started getting on as friends….

CONFUSED

I have been trying to write something to post here for a few days now. More precisely since Saturday. I just can’t seem to find a sequence of words and thoughts that makes sense. I’ll just write whatever and post it anyway.  Barely husband was here again over the weekend. Raven spent the week with…

A WEEK ALONE

I have a week alone ahead of me. Well, I have the dog, which is not mine and that I never wanted to start with. *Sigh* Because I was off last week I made the decision to give myself a proper resting holiday and sent the dog off to the kennel. It is a very…

HAPPY EASTER 

It’s been an eventful weekend and our quest for family balance through the separation continues.  Barely husband wanted to take me out. He insisted a lot and I ended up agreeing after making clear yet again this did not mean we are any closer to getting back together. He said he was fine and just…

Three Months

Today marks a strange anniversary for me. The last time I had sex. Oh, well… Some things are really important, you know?  Barely husband had just come back from his family visit trip that started with an outburst of anger for me not wanting to flow through with our original travel plans. That’s a mouthful,…

DATING AGAIN

No, I am not dating again but it’s something that crosses my mind from time to time. It was used as a threat of sorts by barely husband, as he tried to make me jealous. He said loud and clear that he would go out and have fun with the intention of meeting someone else because…

Writing Milestone 10K

I have made no secret that writing has kept me sane over the past (almost) year, when things became really bad between barely husband and I.  Starting to record a story I had in my mind, a story I wanted to maybe share one day, I used pen and paper. A couple of months into…

What I want – Part 2

A while ago, I posted about the things I wanted from a relationship. The list was very straightforward and may seem like a romantic dream. Well, it still is my romantic dream.  However, right now, I don’t feel ready for a relationship. I don’t feel ready to be ‘on the market’ so to speak.  It…

FIRST WEEKEND ALONE

In one of the downsides of the split, Raven will spend weekends with her dad. Thank heavens he was working last weekend or I’m sure he would have tried to sabotage our girly time.  This week she is off school – it’s half term week – and he decided to take two days off to…

HALL PASS

After our therapy session, barely husband went back to his psychologically aggressive behaviour. He wasn’t happy. During the whole session he mentioned ‘sex’ as a defining factor. It may have been great from a  technical point of view, especially for him, but for me it’s been lacking. I have described before how I have struggled…

IT’S PERSONAL

Raven has taken barely husband’s latest attack on my sexuality in a bad way.  She finds it offensive and a personal attack on her. He has sensed something and started asking me questions regarding her ‘knowledge’ of LGBTQ+ issues. He wants to know what she’s told me.  I promised her I wouldn’t tell him. It’s…

BREAKING POINT

Two bad arguments in two days. Things are not going well. The first one started about politics and a bad taste joke from his side that made me snap. I shouldn’t have, especially not in front of Raven. I apologised for snapping but not for my opinion. The second came about my sexuality. He finally…

SICK OF TRYING

I am broken; I am sick of trying. He wanted me to make an effort and I have. I feel like shit; I feel like crying.

Another day, another fight 

That makes it two in two weekends. Not about Wattpad or jealousy over book characters or complaining about the amount of time I spend giving support to the young readers who reach out to me for help. This time was simply about the banality of sex. He wants it, I don’t feel like it. He…

JEALOUSY

There has been another argument. Barely husband is growing increasingly jealous of my writing, especially of my leading man (Scott) in my book. He’s been vehemently arguing a case for the leading couple not to stay together. What pisses me off the most is that he uses Scott’s bisexuality as a reason for the split. HASN’T…

NO REGRETS

During our doomed holiday, when barely husband and I had a really bad argument – the second of the really horrible ones in our sequence – we went to a Spanish shopping centre and entered this shop I had never heard of. Raven and I were immediately drawn to the t-shirts. They were different. They were…

HEARTFELT CONVERSATION 2

The other part of my conversation with barely husband, the one that hit me harder, was the conclusion that we were never IN LOVE with each other.  There was love. Love that we developed through a certain compatibility and enjoying each other’s company but it seems I did what I never thought I would: I…

Sex, sex, sex

I like sex. Hell knows my life would be a lot easier now if I had no physical needs, if I could say that I lost my libido.  Barely husband proposed the ‘friends with benefits’ thing. Hypocritical, I know, as he wasn’t happy when I confessed me sleeping with him had become just physical.  He’s…