Future

I am positive. I have a good feeling about my future prospects, even if they may take a while to become true. If you’ve been following my blog, you will know that, back in May, I had a Tarot reading done. That reading was very positive but the span for things to happen, as I…

Online Dating

This has become my fun lately. I went through a few sites and Apps, not hoping to find anyone, to be honest. I have taken to creating profiles and checking the neighbourhood. What I find only reinforces my idea that these are full of people just looking for a quickie.  Still, after a few glasses…

Lessons

There are lessons we have to learn as life teaches them. While Raven was away with her dad, in a deeply Catholic and Evangelical country, she felt in her skin what I had told her about my upbringing.  My sexuality was not welcome.  She asked a few random questions to people who would have been…

She’s Back! 

Raven is back! She arrived on Sunday afternoon, tired and without luggage. It got lost in the connection. It didn’t matter. She ran to me and hugged me. She said she missed me and didn’t even try to pretend she didn’t want cuddles like teenagers often do.  She has a lot of stories from her…

Happy New Year

2017 was hard. There’s no way around it. However, as I ponder and compare how I felt at the end of 2016 to how I feel now, I am in a much better place. 2016 ended with fights and divorce threats from barely husband’s side. 2017 started with my decision to end our marriage.  It…

9 Days

I had a good day again. I slept fine, ate well and didn’t drink. I had one glass too many last night and instigated another wild conversation with my friends. Somehow, one of them ended up suggesting that I have a threesome with a gay couple who lives close to my house.  I’ll spare you…

I Am Ready

Yesterday, while driving from Manchester Airport to home, I was faced with heavy snowfall over the Peak District. It wasn’t the worst but required attention. Some parts of the UK had it really bad, nevertheless, I seem to live in the snow black hole. When we get snow here, it means everywhere else was a…

11 Days

I’m back home. I am tired but very happy. I can’t thank my friends enough for having me and keeping me distracted over Christmas. It would have been hard to make it alone.  We played many games, talked, baked, drank… It was all very cozy and family oriented. The spirit, while preparing everything, set the…

New Year Resolution

I love my friends! This is a sample from one of our conversations. When I say there are no barriers, I mean it. No filter!  Only names removed. 😉 😂😂😂 Hope it makes sense! 

14 days

I made it to my friends in Belgium. They are like family to me and there’s a lot of love. I was almost sleepwalking at the end of the day yesterday. All the rushing to Raven, not sleeping much and driving to the airport at 5am drained me.  Today, we have been preparing the Christmas…

17 Becomes 16

I write this as I lie in bed next to Raven. Nothing drastic happened but I gained another evening with her. Barely husband decided to go out with friends and she would be alone. I decided to be with her. He had been trying to get me to come to his and spend the night…

Happy (early) Xmas

Last night Raven and I had our early Christmas Dinner. Like last year, I prepared a traditional British roast, with all the trimmings she loves. We listened to Xmas music, then other music and ended the night laughing at Lip Sync Battle episodes and Ru Paul’s Drag Race countdowns. There were no elaborate party plans,…

Compensation

Raven returned from the weekend with her dad happy for the first time in weeks. She said he was in a good mood for a change.  It seems making me miserable makes him happy.  Fuck him. 

Rollercoaster 

My life seems to be riding a rollercoaster, and not in a good way. There are very high highs, followed quickly by very low lows. It’s all fast paced but I’m going around in circles.  I had an amazing weekend with my friends, followed by a maddening week at work, which at least ended with…

Thanks

I would like to use this post to thank my amazing friends, who spent the weekend with me. Thank you for listening, thank you for always being there with comforting words, thank you for being so understanding.  Thank you for adapting to the circumstances with me, thank you for accepting and including Raven in our…

I HATE HIM TODAY

Barely husband pulled one on me today. I didn’t see it coming. He had joked about leaving Raven with me this weekend, when he found out about me seeing my friends. That was a few weeks ago.  Today, when I got home, my daughter was all excited that her dad had called her, asking if…

A Date

I wish I could go on a date. As I walked the dog tonight, I found myself laughing at my thoughts. I’m sure I looked stupid but who cares? I thought about meeting someone, walking their dog, and that I’d be suddenly asked on a date.  Well, it hasn’t happened but the thought made me…

I’m Back and the Game is Still on

I had a brilliant time in London. My friend and I walked around, spent money and talked. Lots! There wasn’t time for silence. We had so much to discuss, so many ideas to exchange and talk about life in general. It didn’t matter if we were walking, shopping or having drinks. It was refreshing! And…

Off to London

I’m off to London tomorrow morning. I can’t wait to spend the day with a friend, hit the Xmas markets, eat good food, have a few drinks and talk.  I need to sit down and have a good, open conversation. Forget problems exist for a moment.  London, here I come! 

Confidence Boost

I think I have mentioned here that I look younger than I am. Proof is that I turned 40 and got asked for my ID trying to buy beer at the pub a couple of months ago. That wasn’t the first time in the past few years.  My reaction? I absolutely LOVE it! After I…

Necessity

Barely husband is being nice to me because he needs me. Well, not in the sense that he NEEDS ME, more in the sense that he needs me to do a couple of things for him. I’m convinced this necessity is driving his kindness towards me and why he exploded with Raven instead.  He needs…

Claws Back Out

Things were too calm so barely husband decided to get his claws out again. Scarily, he didn’t lash out at me, he did it at Raven. She likes to talk, crack jokes and be funny a lot of the time but, like every kid her age, she has her introspective moments. She appreciates some alone…

Dependency

One of the lessons I have learned over these months of contemplation, after my split from barely husband, is that my happiness can’t depend on anyone.  It’s not an easy motto to go by, even if you know it makes total sense. Your head tells you to find happiness in the things you do but…

Frustration

This is about one thing and one, thing only: the house sale. This is one of those rare occasions when Barely Husband and I have been a team. We both need the money from the sale to move on. It’s been frustrating, to say the least. We initially signed with the Estate Agents we dealt…

Out and About 

I was out with Raven last night. We went to our favourite Tapas bar and spent the evening crushing on the three gorgeous waiters. They are too young for me and too old for her. Still, there’s no harm in looking, is there? I have big plans for the next couple of weekends. Next weekend…

Full Moon Thoughts

The full moon is coming back and I’m dreaming again. Naughty dreams. 🙈 I have finally decided to buy a new charger for my camera’s battery. I can’t find the original and I suspect barely husband may have had a ‘cleaning’ moment. Amazon has promised to deliver it for tomorrow. Fingers crossed. I want to…

Happy Halloween 

Or sort of… I wrote last year how Halloween had become mine and Raven’s holiday. Well, this year didn’t work so well. Because she spent the weekend with me in Belgium, her dad decided to have her for the week. I think it’s fair because, if she stayed with me, I’d still be at work…

Weekend Away

I have just returned from an amazing weekend in Belgium with friends who live there. It was a long weekend, filled with conversations, food and, of course, Belgian beers. These friends went to high school with me, meaning we’ve known each other for almost 30 years. We lost contact somewhere in the middle but, after…

HOW FAR?

These two words have been echoing in my mind all week. There are so many implications, situations and applications. How far can someone push you before you break? How far do you let them go to preserve your relationship? Each person will have a different answer to these same questions and, truth be told, to every single question…

Writing To Reach You

Many moons ago, I heard a song called ‘Writing To Reach You‘ for the first time. It’s by Scottish band Travis. This song has always been amongst my favourites but it’s been stuck in my head lately. I have been thinking a lot about the lyrics and they have taken a different, more powerful meaning….