Revelation

Yesterday, I sat with Raven chatting about dating. I told her about a recent bad experience from one of my friends. She’s young and really sweet but suffers from anxiety and had problems with depression in the past. They met through an online dating App and she gushed about him non-stop. She called him dreamy…

Attraction

I have mentioned here before that when I am attracted to someone, I just am. I’m not bound by gender or sexual orientation. There’s no reasoning behind it. Or is there? Last time I wrote about it, it happened at London’s Anime Con and it was a younger woman. I had eyes for no one…

Author Website

My author website is finally up and running! I am very proud of it. Now I need to get my books ready for publishing, which is no easy feat. I’ll be blogging there as well, only a couple of times a month. The aim is to get people to subscribe to receive first hand news…

#MeToo – Assessment and Inspiration

Anyone with internet will have heard of the #MeToo movement created a few months ago to shed light on sexual abuse. It all started with Harvey Weinstein’s scandal and spread throughout the industry in Hollywood and reached us commoners. Many women shared their stories – ranging from uncomfortable requests, through narrow escapes to full on…

Me Being Me

I have made no secret in this blog about my sexuality. For the newcomers, I identify as pansexual. I don’t have barriers regarding sexuality or gender when falling in love. In the big context, I am who I am and I just am. I love the person regardless, even if that means someone who will…

Online Dating

This has become my fun lately. I went through a few sites and Apps, not hoping to find anyone, to be honest. I have taken to creating profiles and checking the neighbourhood. What I find only reinforces my idea that these are full of people just looking for a quickie.  Still, after a few glasses…

Lessons

There are lessons we have to learn as life teaches them. While Raven was away with her dad, in a deeply Catholic and Evangelical country, she felt in her skin what I had told her about my upbringing.  My sexuality was not welcome.  She asked a few random questions to people who would have been…

9 Days

I had a good day again. I slept fine, ate well and didn’t drink. I had one glass too many last night and instigated another wild conversation with my friends. Somehow, one of them ended up suggesting that I have a threesome with a gay couple who lives close to my house.  I’ll spare you…

Writing To Reach You

Many moons ago, I heard a song called ‘Writing To Reach You‘ for the first time. It’s by Scottish band Travis. This song has always been amongst my favourites but it’s been stuck in my head lately. I have been thinking a lot about the lyrics and they have taken a different, more powerful meaning….

Dirty Thoughts

This is a post containing random dirty thoughts. I have found it very hard to control them lately. Don’t expect any real depth in my writing tonight. This is just a bit of fun as I’m a bit of a failure at being sexy as you will see. šŸ˜‰ 1. After having a few too…

FICTION X REALITY

This weekend, my first Wattpad story, Make Love Your Goal, reached 14K reads.Ā  I’m already publishing chapter 10 of my second story, See You Again, but because MLYG is so personal and special to me, I had to revisit the characters and write a special chapter. I named it Six Years Later and allowed myself…

Pride

Today is Doncaster Pride and I am here with my mom, in her first ever LGBTQ+ event.  Our relationship has come leaps and bounds over the past couple of weeks and this is the icing on the cake.  Raven would love to be with us but her dad would never allow us to take over…

AROUND IN CIRCLES

Barely husband seems to have chosen to ultimately blame my sexual orientation for the failure of my marriage. For the ones who don’t know, I am Pansexual. He keeps distorting the facts, trying to blame me for not telling him about it when I clearly told him that I had been involved with women before….

Writing Milestone

This weekend I have finished writing my first Wattpad book. It has been a very long journey, a labour of love, writing a story with a theme so special and important to me. ‘Make Love Your Goal’ has kept me sane in many ways. I could put all my feelings of love and acceptance of the LGBTQ+…

Being Whole Again

I have been in a down mood for a while. The crying, the despair, the loneliness… I’ve felt it all.  Raven, wise beyond her years, has been my saving grace. I thanked her yesterday. She had been trying to hammer into my mind that as long as I’m feeling needy and basically crap, all I’m…

My Flowers

Some of the flowers in my garden have crossed. They have become hybrids.  What were meant to be white roses now show splashes of pink and lilac from other flowers growing around it – or over and under it as they have become tangled with each other.  Just like me, they’re not here nor there….

MANCHESTER IS LOVE

MANCHESTER IS A PLACE OF LOVE I was very lucky to spend the most wonderful three years there while going to University. There, I was integrated in a world that saw no boundaries for love. Students of all backgrounds, religious beliefs and sexual orientations lived and worked in harmony. Manchester was where I discovered myself…

RAINBOW REMINDER

You may have noticed from my previous post that I picked Raven up from Drama. Her dad usually does it but he had driven to Scotland and back for work and was exhausted. I noticed his voice was very rough when I called him to ask if he was going to get her. We took…

BUCKET LIST

More like F*CK IT list in my current mood. A lot of things are just stuff I HAVE TO do to sort my life out. It’s not that long… I think. I haven’t written it beforehand so we’ll see! 1.Ā Ā    Buy my own house – I’ve had a few houses before but it has…

I NEED…

…a good fuck. A GREAT fuck. A mind blowing FUCK. With earth shattering orgasms. That always makes things better. Unfortunately, it’s not happening any time soon.

Birthday Wish

I turned 40. I don’t feel any different from before but this age means something. It’s the midlife point, often associated with the famous midlife crisis.  Barely husband has accused me before of doing all this due to some sort of midlife crisis. He has dropped this argument since we started getting on as friends….

CONFUSED

I have been trying to write something to post here for a few days now. More precisely since Saturday. I just can’t seem to find a sequence of words and thoughts that makes sense. I’ll just write whatever and post it anyway.  Barely husband was here again over the weekend. Raven spent the week with…

A WEEK ALONE

I have a week alone ahead of me. Well, I have the dog, which is not mine and that I never wanted to start with. *Sigh* Because I was off last week I made the decision to give myself a proper resting holiday and sent the dog off to the kennel. It is a very…

HAPPY EASTERĀ 

It’s been an eventful weekend and our quest for family balance through the separation continues.  Barely husband wanted to take me out. He insisted a lot and I ended up agreeing after making clear yet again this did not mean we are any closer to getting back together. He said he was fine and just…

Three Months

Today marks a strange anniversary for me. The last time I had sex. Oh, well… Some things are really important, you know?  Barely husband had just come back from his family visit trip that started with an outburst of anger for me not wanting to flow through with our original travel plans. That’s a mouthful,…

DATING AGAIN

No, I am not dating again but it’s something that crosses my mind from time to time. It was used as a threat of sorts by barely husband, as he tried to make me jealous. He said loud and clear that he would go out andĀ have fun with the intention of meeting someone else because…

Writing Milestone 10K

I have made no secret that writing has kept me sane over the past (almost) year, when things became really bad between barely husband and I.  Starting to record a story I had in my mind, a story I wanted to maybe share one day, I used pen and paper. A couple of months into…

What I want – Part 2

A while ago, I posted about the things I wanted from a relationship. The list was very straightforward and may seem like a romantic dream. Well, it still is my romantic dream.  However, right now, I don’t feel ready for a relationship. I don’t feel ready to be ‘on the market’ so to speak.  It…

IT’S PERSONAL

Raven has taken barely husband’s latest attack on my sexuality in a bad way.  She finds it offensive and a personal attack on her. He has sensed something and started asking me questions regarding her ‘knowledge’ of LGBTQ+ issues. He wants to know what she’s told me.  I promised her I wouldn’t tell him. It’s…

BREAKING POINT

Two bad arguments in two days. Things are not going well. The first one started about politics and a bad taste joke from his side that made me snap. I shouldn’t have, especially not in front of Raven. I apologised for snapping but not for my opinion. The second came about my sexuality. He finally…