I have been due one for ages so, in my new year, I booked a consultation with a GP (general practitioner doctor, first in line for your health concerns in the UK) but not the one I was assigned to. The same clinic has a doctor who specialises in family planning and women’s health. It…
Tag: fear
Thanks
I would like to use this post to thank my amazing friends, who spent the weekend with me. Thank you for listening, thank you for always being there with comforting words, thank you for being so understanding. Thank you for adapting to the circumstances with me, thank you for accepting and including Raven in our…
Dependency
One of the lessons I have learned over these months of contemplation, after my split from barely husband, is that my happiness can’t depend on anyone. It’s not an easy motto to go by, even if you know it makes total sense. Your head tells you to find happiness in the things you do but…
Frustration
This is about one thing and one, thing only: the house sale. This is one of those rare occasions when Barely Husband and I have been a team. We both need the money from the sale to move on. It’s been frustrating, to say the least. We initially signed with the Estate Agents we dealt…
Full Moon Thoughts
The full moon is coming back and I’m dreaming again. Naughty dreams. 🙈 I have finally decided to buy a new charger for my camera’s battery. I can’t find the original and I suspect barely husband may have had a ‘cleaning’ moment. Amazon has promised to deliver it for tomorrow. Fingers crossed. I want to…
Happy Halloween
Or sort of… I wrote last year how Halloween had become mine and Raven’s holiday. Well, this year didn’t work so well. Because she spent the weekend with me in Belgium, her dad decided to have her for the week. I think it’s fair because, if she stayed with me, I’d still be at work…
HOW FAR?
These two words have been echoing in my mind all week. There are so many implications, situations and applications. How far can someone push you before you break? How far do you let them go to preserve your relationship? Each person will have a different answer to these same questions and, truth be told, to every single question…
ORANGE SKY
Yesterday, as I walked my dog, I was faced with the most amazing orange sky. I immediately took my phone out and started taking pictures. I quickly realised I wasn’t alone. The ‘red sun’ phenomenon has been all over UK news. Some people have even associated it with the apocalypse and the end of the…
Writing To Reach You
Many moons ago, I heard a song called ‘Writing To Reach You‘ for the first time. It’s by Scottish band Travis. This song has always been amongst my favourites but it’s been stuck in my head lately. I have been thinking a lot about the lyrics and they have taken a different, more powerful meaning….
Utter Hell
Today has been one of those days when you know, from the second you wake up, things are going to be hell. I didn’t sleep well. At all. I woke up many times. I was anxious. I went to work feeling less than fresh to end up stuck in a meeting for two hours discussing…
The Crow and The Butterfly (pt 2)
After my Crow left me, I received yet another visitor: a Butterfly. I saw the little thing struggling on my kitchen window seal. I tried to open the window to let her out but, to my horror, she fell behind the radiator and I couldn’t see her anymore. I thought she had been lost. I carried…
FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE
I often focus on the negatives of my separation. Of course there is all the pain I went through and the problems I still have to sort, but as I start to fix my life and myself, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I started thinking about this post as a…
The Crow and The Butterfly
Since my wonderful friend Rhapsody Bohème started writing about Spirit Animals and the messages they bring, I have started paying more attention to what’s going on around me. I’m a firm believer that the energy of the universe can be sensed and interpreted, that it can guide you through life. I don’t think the future…
PATIENCE
I am feeling much better. After my retail therapy and getting rid of some of the bad energy, my mood has drastically improved and I’m back to my happy mamma times. I have to keep reminding myself I need patience. When I had my Tarot reading a few months ago, I was told everything there…
DECISION
I have made a tough decision. In our informal custody agreements, barely husband claimed this year Raven would spend Xmas and New Year with him. She did spend last year with me, even if only because he chose to fly last minute to his parents after an argument with me. I decided not to fight…
DREAMS
In my previous post, I mentioned dreams, more specifically dreams that put me in a good mood that continues all day. Let me try to explain. I have started writing quick notes to remind me of these dreams. There has been a recurring theme to most of them. They are centred around having a relationship…
ANOTHER LOW
It’s one of those things you can’t really explain. I had a great weekend, things went better than I could have imagined with barely husband being civil, even nice, and Raven staying with me. Suddenly, out of the blue, I had one of my exhaustion episodes. It was Sunday evening and I was drained. My…
THE BIG O
Continuation of The Missing Piece… I moved on to The Missing Piece Meets the Big O, by Shel Silverstein. I had my mouth hanging open all through it. I related so much to everything. It starts with our Missing Piece waiting for someone to come along and take it somewhere. And loads come but there’s…
A Proper Holiday
Exactly a year ago, we went on a family holiday. Things with barely husband had gotten really bad a few weeks before but I managed to calm things down enough so we could go. I was still desperately trying to fix things, I was scared and broken. The post I managed to publish was called…
Money… Again!
After keeping me awake in his quest for my admission of guilt, barely husband descended to a new low. Money arguments aren’t new to our playbook. I’m always the one to be financially punished for my ‘shortcomings’, whatever they may be. This time around, he was trying to charge me £80 for his rental contract…
AROUND IN CIRCLES
Barely husband seems to have chosen to ultimately blame my sexual orientation for the failure of my marriage. For the ones who don’t know, I am Pansexual. He keeps distorting the facts, trying to blame me for not telling him about it when I clearly told him that I had been involved with women before….
Lame Excuses
I have come across an article listing lame excuses not to get a divorce. It wasn’t a masterpiece in writing and it was quite repetitive to get to the promised ’20 reasons.’ However, as I have been a victim of some of them myself, I decided to write my own. 1. Loss of Material Comfort –…
PROGRESS
I have been making an effort to help my mom and consequently have stronger bond with her. This is important for both of us as I think will be extremely helpful in the long run. She came to Raven’s drama school performance on Saturday (which she totally rocked, by the way). It was an eye…
FORGIVENESS
After the stress, accusations and acknowledgement requirements by barely husband, I made a point in distancing myself and keeping our contact to a minimum. Every time he video called Raven, I made sure I was out of the picture, preferably in another room. When I dropped her off at his on Saturday, I left her…
MANCHESTER IS LOVE
MANCHESTER IS A PLACE OF LOVE I was very lucky to spend the most wonderful three years there while going to University. There, I was integrated in a world that saw no boundaries for love. Students of all backgrounds, religious beliefs and sexual orientations lived and worked in harmony. Manchester was where I discovered myself…
