She’s Back! 

Raven is back! She arrived on Sunday afternoon, tired and without luggage. It got lost in the connection. It didn’t matter. She ran to me and hugged me. She said she missed me and didn’t even try to pretend she didn’t want cuddles like teenagers often do.  She has a lot of stories from her…

Meh Week

I am officially calling the week after the holidays ‘Meh Week’. Going back to work was meh. I wished I could have taken another week off. Me and probably 90% of the world population. The other 10% actually did. Never mind my unofficial stats… I was sulking all Tuesday and getting back into the rhythm…

Happy New Year

2017 was hard. There’s no way around it. However, as I ponder and compare how I felt at the end of 2016 to how I feel now, I am in a much better place. 2016 ended with fights and divorce threats from barely husband’s side. 2017 started with my decision to end our marriage.  It…

9 Days

I had a good day again. I slept fine, ate well and didn’t drink. I had one glass too many last night and instigated another wild conversation with my friends. Somehow, one of them ended up suggesting that I have a threesome with a gay couple who lives close to my house.  I’ll spare you…

11 Days

I’m back home. I am tired but very happy. I can’t thank my friends enough for having me and keeping me distracted over Christmas. It would have been hard to make it alone.  We played many games, talked, baked, drank… It was all very cozy and family oriented. The spirit, while preparing everything, set the…

14 days

I made it to my friends in Belgium. They are like family to me and there’s a lot of love. I was almost sleepwalking at the end of the day yesterday. All the rushing to Raven, not sleeping much and driving to the airport at 5am drained me.  Today, we have been preparing the Christmas…

17 Becomes 16

I write this as I lie in bed next to Raven. Nothing drastic happened but I gained another evening with her. Barely husband decided to go out with friends and she would be alone. I decided to be with her. He had been trying to get me to come to his and spend the night…

TWO WEEKS

17 days, actually. That’s how long Raven will be away. We spent half afternoon together yesterday and went out for a meal together before I dropped her off. She was tense, upset, she didn’t want to go. She’s scared of the fights that are bound to happen between her dad and his mother. She can’t…

Happy (early) Xmas

Last night Raven and I had our early Christmas Dinner. Like last year, I prepared a traditional British roast, with all the trimmings she loves. We listened to Xmas music, then other music and ended the night laughing at Lip Sync Battle episodes and Ru Paul’s Drag Race countdowns. There were no elaborate party plans,…

Happy Anniversary… Not!

I have blogged before about how both Barely Husband and I were terrible at remembering our wedding anniversary. It has become one of those ironic things in life that, since we split last year, I have remembered it both times. It was yesterday and the date kept on staring back at me all day long….

Compensation

Raven returned from the weekend with her dad happy for the first time in weeks. She said he was in a good mood for a change.  It seems making me miserable makes him happy.  Fuck him. 

Rollercoaster 

My life seems to be riding a rollercoaster, and not in a good way. There are very high highs, followed quickly by very low lows. It’s all fast paced but I’m going around in circles.  I had an amazing weekend with my friends, followed by a maddening week at work, which at least ended with…

I HATE HIM TODAY

Barely husband pulled one on me today. I didn’t see it coming. He had joked about leaving Raven with me this weekend, when he found out about me seeing my friends. That was a few weeks ago.  Today, when I got home, my daughter was all excited that her dad had called her, asking if…

Happy Thanksgiving 

We don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in the UK for obvious reasons, however, as most of my readers are from the US, I thought I should join in the celebration. There are many things I am thankful for, even after a very difficult couple of years. My daughter is number one on this list, of course. She’s…

I’m Back and the Game is Still on

I had a brilliant time in London. My friend and I walked around, spent money and talked. Lots! There wasn’t time for silence. We had so much to discuss, so many ideas to exchange and talk about life in general. It didn’t matter if we were walking, shopping or having drinks. It was refreshing! And…

Off to London

I’m off to London tomorrow morning. I can’t wait to spend the day with a friend, hit the Xmas markets, eat good food, have a few drinks and talk.  I need to sit down and have a good, open conversation. Forget problems exist for a moment.  London, here I come! 

Confidence Boost

I think I have mentioned here that I look younger than I am. Proof is that I turned 40 and got asked for my ID trying to buy beer at the pub a couple of months ago. That wasn’t the first time in the past few years.  My reaction? I absolutely LOVE it! After I…

Necessity

Barely husband is being nice to me because he needs me. Well, not in the sense that he NEEDS ME, more in the sense that he needs me to do a couple of things for him. I’m convinced this necessity is driving his kindness towards me and why he exploded with Raven instead.  He needs…

Claws Back Out

Things were too calm so barely husband decided to get his claws out again. Scarily, he didn’t lash out at me, he did it at Raven. She likes to talk, crack jokes and be funny a lot of the time but, like every kid her age, she has her introspective moments. She appreciates some alone…

Dependency

One of the lessons I have learned over these months of contemplation, after my split from barely husband, is that my happiness can’t depend on anyone.  It’s not an easy motto to go by, even if you know it makes total sense. Your head tells you to find happiness in the things you do but…

Frustration

This is about one thing and one, thing only: the house sale. This is one of those rare occasions when Barely Husband and I have been a team. We both need the money from the sale to move on. It’s been frustrating, to say the least. We initially signed with the Estate Agents we dealt…

Full Moon Thoughts

The full moon is coming back and I’m dreaming again. Naughty dreams. 🙈 I have finally decided to buy a new charger for my camera’s battery. I can’t find the original and I suspect barely husband may have had a ‘cleaning’ moment. Amazon has promised to deliver it for tomorrow. Fingers crossed. I want to…

Happy Halloween 

Or sort of… I wrote last year how Halloween had become mine and Raven’s holiday. Well, this year didn’t work so well. Because she spent the weekend with me in Belgium, her dad decided to have her for the week. I think it’s fair because, if she stayed with me, I’d still be at work…

Weekend Away

I have just returned from an amazing weekend in Belgium with friends who live there. It was a long weekend, filled with conversations, food and, of course, Belgian beers. These friends went to high school with me, meaning we’ve known each other for almost 30 years. We lost contact somewhere in the middle but, after…

Writing To Reach You

Many moons ago, I heard a song called ‘Writing To Reach You‘ for the first time. It’s by Scottish band Travis. This song has always been amongst my favourites but it’s been stuck in my head lately. I have been thinking a lot about the lyrics and they have taken a different, more powerful meaning….

Dirty Thoughts

This is a post containing random dirty thoughts. I have found it very hard to control them lately. Don’t expect any real depth in my writing tonight. This is just a bit of fun as I’m a bit of a failure at being sexy as you will see. 😉 1. After having a few too…

CRY

On Sunday I cried, not only once, but three times. It was one of those shitty days. I woke up in the middle of the night with a dry mouth and a headache. I had a glass of wine before going to bed but that wouldn’t be enough. I took a painkiller with a glass…

Tattoo & Daydream

Today I had another three hours of work added to my tattoo, bringing the grand total to 17 hours and counting. I am still in love with it and, oddly enough, I miss the pain when the interval between sittings is too long. It seems each second of physical pain takes away something that hurts…

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE

I often focus on the negatives of my separation. Of course there is all the pain I went through and the problems I still have to sort, but as I start to fix my life and myself, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I started thinking about this post as a…

Gladiator

Today I was tidying up my handbag a little. I have to do it once in a while to remove the million receipts I throw in there and to reduce the number of lipsticks I carry (let it be known half of them are Raven’s, who sneakily throws her make up in for me to…