FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE

I often focus on the negatives of my separation. Of course there is all the pain I went through and the problems I still have to sort, but as I start to fix my life and myself, I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I started thinking about this post as a…

The Crow and The Butterfly

Since my wonderful friend Rhapsody Bohème started writing about Spirit Animals and the messages they bring, I have started paying more attention to what’s going on around me. I’m a firm believer that the energy of the universe can be sensed and interpreted, that it can guide you through life. I don’t think the future…

FICTION X REALITY

This weekend, my first Wattpad story, Make Love Your Goal, reached 14K reads.  I’m already publishing chapter 10 of my second story, See You Again, but because MLYG is so personal and special to me, I had to revisit the characters and write a special chapter. I named it Six Years Later and allowed myself…

PATIENCE

I am feeling much better. After my retail therapy and getting rid of some of the bad energy, my mood has drastically improved and I’m back to my happy mamma times. I have to keep reminding myself I need patience. When I had my Tarot reading a few months ago, I was told everything there…

Retail Therapy and Baggage Dropping

I had to ask my daughter for a cuddle last night. She’s not very good with PDA but she awkwardly obliged. The result is that I woke up this morning feeling much better. I dropped Raven off at Drama School and came back to clean the house. It was a right tip as I had…

NEED

I am struggling this week. I really am. I’m trying hard not to be a moody cow or Debbie Downer at home in a conscious decision because of my promise to Raven. I often stop and take a deep breath, especially when my body is giving in to the exhaustion. It has worked but it’s tough….

DECISION

I have made a tough decision. In our informal custody agreements, barely husband claimed this year Raven would spend Xmas and New Year with him. She did spend last year with me, even if only because he chose to fly last minute to his parents after an argument with me. I decided not to fight…

DREAMS

In my previous post, I mentioned dreams, more specifically dreams that put me in a good mood that continues all day. Let me try to explain. I have started writing quick notes to remind me of these dreams. There has been a recurring theme to most of them. They are centred around having a relationship…

ANOTHER LOW

It’s one of those things you can’t really explain. I had a great weekend, things went better than I could have imagined with barely husband being civil, even nice, and Raven staying with me. Suddenly, out of the blue, I had one of my exhaustion episodes. It was Sunday evening and I was drained. My…

Truce

Barely husband made an effort last week to come and say goodbye to my mom. He went to dinner with us. It was awkward but we worked through it. As I explained before, he’s always liked my mother, often getting on better with her than with his own. We kept the civility along the week…

THE BIG O

Continuation of The Missing Piece… I moved on to The Missing Piece Meets the Big O, by Shel Silverstein. I had my mouth hanging open all through it. I related so much to everything. It starts with our Missing Piece waiting for someone to come along and take it somewhere. And loads come but there’s…

THE MISSING PIECE

Back in February, I received a message from a reader and fellow blogger suggesting that I read two books. They were kids books by Shel Silverstein called The Missing Piece and The Missing Piece Meets The Big O. I replied thanking him for the suggestion and promised to check them. I confess that I forgot about them…

Back to Reality…

…And it sucks! I came back from my wonderful holiday to a week of total chaos and utter hell at work. Wow. I hate when I get so exhausted that I start making stupid mistakes. My brain was all fuzzy, my brain cells completely fried and, by Friday, I wasn’t thinking anymore. I hate that…

Going Home

It’s been a wonderful week in Portugal. It’s gone by too fast.  This time has been good for me. My face is even a healthy colour and I feel at least 10 years younger. According to Raven, I looked younger with each passing day here.  Now I have to go back to reality and the…

A Proper Holiday

Exactly a year ago, we went on a family holiday. Things with barely husband had gotten really bad a few weeks before but I managed to calm things down enough so we could go. I was still desperately trying to fix things, I was scared and broken. The post I managed to publish was called…

Pride

Today is Doncaster Pride and I am here with my mom, in her first ever LGBTQ+ event.  Our relationship has come leaps and bounds over the past couple of weeks and this is the icing on the cake.  Raven would love to be with us but her dad would never allow us to take over…

MIGRAINE

I have been suffering from a crushing migraine since Sunday. I was fine until barely husband came to drop Raven off. We hardly spoke but I am convinced his negative energy caused it. Ugh!  

Money… Again! 

After keeping me awake in his quest for my admission of guilt, barely husband descended to a new low.  Money arguments aren’t new to our playbook. I’m always the one to be financially punished for my ‘shortcomings’, whatever they may be.  This time around, he was trying to charge me £80 for his rental contract…

AROUND IN CIRCLES

Barely husband seems to have chosen to ultimately blame my sexual orientation for the failure of my marriage. For the ones who don’t know, I am Pansexual. He keeps distorting the facts, trying to blame me for not telling him about it when I clearly told him that I had been involved with women before….

A BIT OF GOSSIP

Raven came back from the week with her dad with a bit of gossip. He signed up to a dating website. She wasn’t supposed to find out. A notification popped up while she held his phone playing music in the car. She kept quiet. When I told a couple of friends, initially they were being…

KARMA

There are many words that can be used to describe this, depending on personal beliefs. My mom calls it God’s rebalancing, some call it comeuppance, others just deserved fate: I call it Karma. After starting with the lost vouchers, barely husband’s holiday is not up to his standards. Remember I used to book/organise every single…

Away

Raven will be away with her dad for a week. I miss her already.  It’s the first time barely husband books a holiday like this. He’s already lost the vouchers for some event they were going to.  It’s not my business. I’m not there to organise and control. I hope it goes  well.  Last night…

HINDSIGHT

Hindsight is a powerful thing. You can either use it to understand where you are and how you got there, thus learning from the process, or you can torture yourself with the wrong paths taken. I am choosing the former. Yesterday, three generations of my family – my mom, Raven and I – sat down for…

Lame Excuses

I have come across an article listing lame excuses not to get a divorce. It wasn’t a masterpiece in writing and it was quite repetitive to get to the promised ’20 reasons.’ However, as I have been a victim of some of them myself, I decided to write my own. 1. Loss of Material Comfort –…

PROGRESS

I have been making an effort to help my mom and consequently have stronger bond with her. This is important for both of us as I think will be extremely helpful in the long run. She came to Raven’s drama school performance on Saturday (which she totally rocked, by the way). It was an eye…

Longing

Yesterday, Raven joined me for Happy Hour time. She’s too young to drink but she enjoys the occasional outing, especially if there’s food involved. We are both foodies!  We went to a tapas bar not far from our house – just us, as mom didn’t want to go – got a pint of coke and…

Proud

I am extremely proud of Raven. Even going through all this mess we have put her through, she still rocked her national exams.  Her results all came as ‘Greater Depth Achieved.’ She is and will always be my star. I will do everything in my power to help her achieve her dreams.  I love you,…

Wonderful Weekend

My weekend started with something that could have totally ruined it: an argument with barely husband.  He was questioning me regarding any additional requirements that may block the house sale. Stupid, as I made it clear that I want the house sold and our finances completely separate as soon as possible.  True to my new…

Girly Weekend

This weekend I am meeting my Wattpad friends again. Our friendship has been going strong since we started chatting after finding a common interest: writing. The four of us are completely different but there is a lot of respect for each other and our sense of humour never fails. We pick each other up and no…

Symbolic Fire

I had this little box I kept with mementos from my wedding day. It was full of cards, notes and the little cushion used to carry our rings. It’s not like I opened it and looked at the contents many times over the years. It was just there, to maybe be opened while celebrating an…