What I want – Part 2

A while ago, I posted about the things I wanted from a relationship. The list was very straightforward and may seem like a romantic dream. Well, it still is my romantic dream.  However, right now, I don’t feel ready for a relationship. I don’t feel ready to be ‘on the market’ so to speak.  It…

SAFE X HAPPY

There is no doubt in my mind that I have made the right choice by picking the divorce. The relationship is irrevocably broken and we want and cherish very different things in life.  He wants the safe, what he calls a wife, a child and a dog.  I want to feel. Simply feel something as…

IT’S PERSONAL

Raven has taken barely husband’s latest attack on my sexuality in a bad way.  She finds it offensive and a personal attack on her. He has sensed something and started asking me questions regarding her ‘knowledge’ of LGBTQ+ issues. He wants to know what she’s told me.  I promised her I wouldn’t tell him. It’s…

BREAKING POINT

Two bad arguments in two days. Things are not going well. The first one started about politics and a bad taste joke from his side that made me snap. I shouldn’t have, especially not in front of Raven. I apologised for snapping but not for my opinion. The second came about my sexuality. He finally…

RANGE OF EMOTIONS

Barely husband came home from work yesterday and he didn’t look well. He was down and embraced me, asking me to spend some time with him. I agreed feeling he needed to talk but knowing full well sex would be out of bounds as our latest attempt took me back to my sexual frustration times….

MY DAUGHTER 

Throughout my posts, there have been a lot of positive comments about my relationship with my daughter. My Raven is my biggest treasure, my pride and joy. There are many times when I wish I had taken a different path when I  found myself at life’s crossroads. I backtrack on that thought very quickly because…

JEALOUSY

There has been another argument. Barely husband is growing increasingly jealous of my writing, especially of my leading man (Scott) in my book. He’s been vehemently arguing a case for the leading couple not to stay together. What pisses me off the most is that he uses Scott’s bisexuality as a reason for the split. HASN’T…

NO REGRETS

During our doomed holiday, when barely husband and I had a really bad argument – the second of the really horrible ones in our sequence – we went to a Spanish shopping centre and entered this shop I had never heard of. Raven and I were immediately drawn to the t-shirts. They were different. They were…

ANOTHER ARGUMENT

Raven usually walks the dog with barely husband on weekends.  During my exhaustion episode, they did so and she came back panicked and apologising for blabbering something to him. I couldn’t understand what she was saying straight away. My brain was slow and she was too fast.  After a few minutes, after she calmed down,…

BUSTED

As I mentioned in my previous post, my ghost writer persona has been busted. Barely husband has known for a while that I’ve been writing on Wattpad. Many times he tried to get me to tell him about my book and I always refused. I told him the themes would make him uncomfortable and I didn’t need…

TOTAL HONESTY

The choice barely husband made to message me on WhatsApp to tell me about how he was feeling was an interesting one. It is one of the 3Ws he began to hate and he decided to use it to reach out to me. It also gave me the opportunity, for the first time ever, to apply a total…

MISSION: WRITING

First of all, I would like to apologise to my followers for my erratic posting schedule. Then I’d like to apologise to my fellow bloggers for my very delayed reads and comments. I know you will all say it’s not a problem but maybe the apology is for my peace of mind as I really…

RELIEF

That’s all I feel as I sit home alone, still in my pyjamas, sipping on black coffee and nibbling on a piece of bread. It’s 11:30am and this would be frowned upon if barely husband was home. Especially as I am indulging in my 3W obsession to the max. Raven has next week off school;…

STORM BREWING

I feel a storm brewing. It has been quietly building up and I know it’s going to come down heavy and destructive. I am feeling low. My body senses the storm and hits me with physical exhaustion, even though my mind is fully alert. Barely husband snapped at me yesterday. It was quick and not…

DUALITY OF ME

One of the things I have established in my posts is that I am bisexual. I have kissed girls and there’s no question in my mind that I would have dated a woman if I had feelings for her. I have also written about the only time I approached the subject with my husband, when…

WRITING MILESTONE #2

It is another very happy day for me: my book has reached 2000 reads! If you all remember, this seemed like a distant dream not long ago, but now it has found its public and it’s going strong. Yes, the number of reads is great, but what makes me the happiest are the comments. As…

I Crave Love…

The purest kind of love Where there is no judgement And no list of requirements     Love innocent as a child That comes from holding hands Or a beautiful smile Love you feel on your skin With the slightest touch Or the deepest connection     Love that heats up with passion And heightens…

LIFE AS A PASTAFARIAN

This is a little different from what I usually write but I have read so many articles on faith and religion lately that I felt inspired. There are many points of view and I always try to be respectful and sometimes it’s just better to agree to disagree. There will be some swearing and discussion…

DOOMED HOLIDAY

This is my third attempt at writing this post. I am currently on a family holiday. You may think ‘Why are you on a family holiday during such crisis?’. This thought has also crossed my mind, but, the truth is, this trip has been booked for months. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with having a break…

QUID PRO QUO

One of the lessons you have to learn very quickly in any relationship is that, to make it work, you need to compromise. People are not the same and will always want different things. If you think about it, it could be very boring if a couple wanted exactly the same thing all the time….

OPPOSITES ATTRACT (?)

It’s been a very tough couple of weeks. Barely husband and I had a massive argument and then all the cards were put on the table. I told him I am trying to find myself because I don’t recognise the person in the mirror anymore. Whatever fake name I use – Anna, Danielle, Erica –…

THE REALISATION

Hello! My name is Lisa and my marriage has failed. There are a lot of feelings that come with this realisation: sadness, anger, frustration, regret… that’s the toughest one. Especially after 15 years together you can’t just regret everything. There have been lots of good moments , we have a beautiful daughter and the sex…