Yesterday, I sat with Raven chatting about dating. I told her about a recent bad experience from one of my friends. She’s young and really sweet but suffers from anxiety and had problems with depression in the past.
They met through an online dating App and she gushed about him non-stop. She called him dreamy and thought he was the one. I’m always sceptical but would never bitch or be a party pooper. My advice to her had always been to do only what he felt comfortable doing and never letting him push her.
When they agreed on a first date, he asked her to spend the night at his place afterwards. I didn’t say she shouldn’t. I told her I don’t play by the three-date rule or similar. I do what I want but I make sure I am ready for the consequences of whatever my decision is. She came to the conclusion that she wasn’t ready for that and if he couldn’t understand it, then he wasn’t right for her anyway.
The date seemed to go perfectly and she gushed about him. She was happy but he went from 100 to zero right away. He ghosted after telling her he wanted a second date and that’s what hurt her more than things not working out. I sighed. She deserves better, much better.
I could use this as just another excuse as to why I won’t join and dating sites, that they disgust me (like the ones I posted here about), that they’re only good for booty calls… but the truth is that even when she was happy, I wrinkled my nose at any suggestion I join. Even if one of our closest friends in common is happily married to a man she met like this and another friend is happily using it to get laid (and trust me, I could do with a good fuck right now); yet another uses these sites to meet people to have a good time.
It made me realise I could deal with the pitfalls of online dating just fine, definitely much better than my friend. I’m no stranger to meeting arseholes; I’ve been hurt and used before and I picked myself up just fine (NEWSFLASH! It’s not an online exclusive); I’ve answered to my own booty calls in the past.
So, even though I can, I simply CHOOSE not to. Why? Because I don’t want to chase a date; I don’t NEED a date. It’s not even what a WANT the most.
I WANT to go out with friends and have fun; I WANT to drink and laugh nights away; I NEED to have good people around me that will spend this amazing time with me. If I meet someone while doing this, great! If not, fuck it! I’m good.
Raven was the one who told me I had a revelation. I think she’s right.