#MeToo – Assessment and Inspiration

Anyone with internet will have heard of the #MeToo movement created a few months ago to shed light on sexual abuse. It all started with Harvey Weinstein’s scandal and spread throughout the industry in Hollywood and reached us commoners.

Many women shared their stories – ranging from uncomfortable requests, through narrow escapes to full on rape – making the united voice stronger as more and more joined and supported each other. Women were being heard on the issue like never before.

As with everything, there have been those who jumped on the bandwagon, triggering witch hunts. These tend to do a lot of damage to the cause, hurting the wrongly accused and the real victims, who are then doubted, all over again.

In the middle of the commotion, a strange case stood out. One where the public voice lost its unison: The girl known as ‘Grace’ and Aziz Ansari. Aziz did not fit the patterns of the known sexual assault but Grace felt the encounter had been uncomfortable and upsetting. The debate raised the question whether it was really assault or just bad sex.

Like many, I reserved my judgement. I was one of the silent ones when I came across this article (it’s great and I recommend the reading).

http://www.katykatikate.com/2018/01/not-that-bad_15.html?m=1

As someone who’s had plenty of bad sex, I related to a lot of it. You didn’t say no, you wanted it, but halfway through it, you’re asking yourself: what the fuck am I doing here? Afterwards, you feel dirty and cry a bit. Then you forget about it and move on.

The thing is, when boys learn about sex watching porn, they want to show the fake virility of the ‘actors’ and bend you into as many positions as possible in the shortest amount of time. And porn is the main source for most.

What Katy argues is that this is a form of sexual assault. We are put through fantasies that are not comfortable, that hurt us, that we would never wish ourselves. It makes sense and I understand why many, like Grace, would feel that way.

Still, I don’t feel I have ever been assaulted. Again, I’ve had PLENTY of bad sex. During University, I often found myself alone, in my student accommodation room, having a heated make-out session with a guy. Our beds were so tiny – we used to joke we had to start shagging gnomes to fit – that it was impossible not to be on top of each other.

EVERY SINGLE TIME I SAID THAT WAS ALL WE WERE GOING TO DO, I WAS RESPECTED.

I may have been lucky and surrounded by really cool and amazing guys (a reminder I did Mechanical Engineering, meaning 90% of men in class, at least). They do exist, trust me!

I was reassured by my own memories and happy to keep them like that. I still am.

And then inspiration hits! I found another article (see below) talking about amazing Romance sex.

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/amp15595984/romance-novels-metoo-essay/?__twitter_impression=true

As a writer myself, I have always written about sex – it’s part of grown up life – HOW I THINK SEX SHOULD BE!

I hate alpha males, I hate too much talk during sex and I find a man saying to me ‘Oh, baby, you’re fucking tight/wet/similar variant’ one of the biggest turn offs. Shut the fuck up and pay attention to what you’re doing! Well, if you want to tell me I’m beautiful, you can talk.

Also, in real life, I would keep my distance from the bad boy stereotype and know not every guy is buff with a horse-sized dick (queue bad sex here as our vaginas are not mare sized) and definitely not a billionaire.

My first two stories are PG. The sex is there, what’s going on is clear, but it’s not explicit. The guys are sweet and caring. The heroines fall in love with who they are. Sex is the result, not the means. And what a fabulous result!

An invitation to join an App that’s under development, where people would pay to read Erotic short stories took me out of my writing comfort zone to write stories focused on sex. I won’t suddenly turn into a lover of everything I hate in erotic stories. I kept the romance, the respect and the discovery of pleasure together.

The problem with this App is that the format is very limiting and I suddenly found myself with an idea for a story that quickly became too long for the format. It was paining me to chop it up and fit it into that tiny hole. Besides, I don’t even know if the App is happening and they already have two of my stories to work with.

My friend J encouraged me to write it in full and, within a couple of days, I had seven chapters down and the full outline of the plot. And I’m in love with it! It’s about a young woman who’s in an abusive marriage, even though she doesn’t even realise it, and her quest to discover herself sexually.

She needs, like many other women around the world, to find out that sex can be a beautiful thing. Sex is meant to be about trust and shared pleasure. Sex should never be a duty.

With this story, I went full on smut. Good smut, in my eyes at least. I’m dreaming of publishing it and inspiring women to take control of their sexuality and demand respect and good sex. No, GREAT SEX!

Hopefully, men will read it too and ask themselves ‘Is that what women like? Can we really have pleasure together like that? Is it true that I don’t have to act like a pornstar?’ I’ll be shouting a big, fat YES!

Wish me luck!

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11 Comments Add yours

  1. Munky76 says:

    Good luck. Getting out of your comfort zone can be a good thing and who doesn’t like well written smit?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      True! It’s hard to find smut that doesn’t leave me in fits of laughter. I’m sure that’s the furthest thing from the author’s intentions but it’s a very fine line between the sensual/sexy and the corny/tacky/plain crude, sometimes anatomically incorrect. It’s a learning process for me that I’m enjoying. Thanks! 😊

      Like

  2. Munky76 says:

    That was supposed to say smut

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      πŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌ

      Like

  3. Zara says:

    good luck, great post. women are not objects. similarly men dont need to act like pornstars to show they are ‘the man’. be good to each other, enjoy each other, discover things together, be open and honest. If the other party doesnt like what you say – move on! they’re not meant for you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. DFMGhost says:

      Exactly! I want to take charge of my body and not settle for whatever male dominance rules and social standards imposed. I don’t want to victimise myself either. Some partners may not be compatible or be plain bad. It’s a risk.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. bone&silver says:

    I’m late getting to read this post, but it’s a big fay YES from me too! Go girl : )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

      Liked by 1 person

  5. mr. f. grey says:

    I truly enjoy this post (I’ve revisited this one a few times now) because of how you contrast two areas of how society portrays love and sex. I feel as if you’re saying a lot of things that I’ve been toiling with in my own life. So much to unpack here, but for the sake of brevity, I am very excited that you are writing and sharing! I cannot wait to read more of your work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      I’ve had my own demons and conflicts to face. I think am I resurfacing now, hopefully with my head in a good place to tell the stories I believe in. I always appreciate your comments. ❀️

      Liked by 1 person

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