My Life as a Comedy

I had this thought on Saturday when a lot went wrong in the morning. It wasn’t anything horrific, reason why I could see the funny side. It was a sequence of crappy stuff that piles up.

First, some background:

Barely husband sold his car in December ‘because he doesn’t need it.’ He walks to work, there are decent grocery stores within walking distance and, if he’s out drinking, he’ll take an Uber. The only real use for the car, was to pick Raven up on weekends. With him being ‘so nice’ (note sarcasm), he said she didn’t need to his on Saturday. She had just spent two weeks with him and I felt he wanted a break. He would never admit to it but hell! She needed a break from him too! LOL!

Anyway, he asked me to go to his town for lunch on Sunday. I was fine with it.

The other thing going on, has been the Wattpad breakdown. By then, it had been almost two weeks of disappearing stories, no notifications, delayed messages and more. I had decided not to post my new chapter until things were safe. When, on Friday evening, two friends told me they had updated with no issues, I clicked the publish button.

All good. Comments and votes coming in, no delays. I was a happy girl.

Then comes Saturday.

Early morning, I find out Wattpad has mysteriously unpublished my chapter. It was back in the drafts. “FU, Wattpad,” echoed around Twitter. I wasn’t alone. I take a deep breath and decide to leave it for sorting out later.

I drop Raven off at Drama School and go straight to the deposit where the suitcases were being held. They had tried to deliver over the week but no one was home (Hello! Working people!). I get them fine and make my way home. As I turn the corner onto our road, I hear a horrible noise, like the engine is about to explode.

The car shakes, my heart races. As I slow down, the noise goes away. Flat tyre, I realise. The modern suspension of the car probably keeps it from pulling but the noise is deafening! I’m not far from home so I decide to keep going. I park on my drive and bingo! Flat tyre.

The shittiest thing about modern cars in the UK (I don’t know if this applies to many countries) is that most don’t come with a spare. My previous car had a stupid space saver. It limited my speed to 50mph but I could at least get somewhere to get the flat fixed/buy a new one. My new car comes with an air pump (roll my eyes). I try it anyway but, obviously, it doesn’t work.

I start listing my options. I can call the rescue service from my insurance. They won’t fix the tyre. They will tow me somewhere of my choice where they MAY be able to help.

Shit! I look at the tyre and deem it unsalvageable. I search a mobile tyre fitting company, order a tyre and have it set to be fitted the following day.

Amazing! Thank heavens my new car has pretty standard tyres. I wasn’t as lucky with my previous (BUT I HAD A SPACE SAVER!!!).

They’re not able to come until late afternoon, basically screwing up the lunch plans for Sunday.

I enter my house and am greeted by the worst stench. Shit again! This time REAL SHIT! Because I was so late sorting the tyre, the dog decided to poop all over the living room. Aaaaaarrrrrgh! After a thorough poo cleaning session, I take the pooch on his walk *sigh*

I start going mental.

I have to pick Raven up and I don’t have a car. Barely husband doesn’t have a car. He wasn’t coming anyway.

I text him and he doesn’t reply. I’m thinking the only way he can see her, is if I take her on the train and he brings her back the following day, also on the train.

I check bus routes to get to Raven and it’s the easiest thing ever. Bus stop next to my house, 10 minutes, bus stop in front of Drama School. 

BH finally calls and, BECAUSE HE IS SO LOVELY, he tells me she can stay. One less problem… Then he goes on for an hour about me getting his name off the mortgage so he doesn’t have to wait for the house to sell to get his. Right, right, right… I’ll see how that can be done legally and properly documented so he doesn’t screw me up. More on that later.

He calls me stingy because I’m getting the bus.

It’s not money, stupid! The bus is actually easier than calling for a cab and hoping they have availability for the next hour. That I can’t wait anymore because you have been dumping crap in my brain!

I finally get onto the bus. What do I do? Tweet! 

Yes, this post contains my face, my name and my Twitter account. You could have easily found out all that anyway by clicking on my Wattpad links. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Nice to meet you! 

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7 Comments Add yours

  1. bone&silver says:

    OMG those days are literally SHIT 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      It started bad. I thought it was going to keep getting worse. But by the time I got onto the bus, I was already laughing. We ended up getting the bus to town and I enjoyed a few cocktails since I wasn’t driving. Making the best out of it. 😜

      Liked by 1 person

      1. bone&silver says:

        Sounds very smart! Good on you : )

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Zara says:

    wow – what a day! but you still survived and got through it!
    look forward to hearing about the mortgage dilemma, im going thru the same shit with mine. Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      The mortgage dilemma! It goes on… Work had been tough this week but I’ll get around to it πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  3. What a day…eventually all the drama will end….for all of us. πŸ˜‰ hugs my dear friend. So proud you are staying the course, you beautiful, strong woman. πŸ’™

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      Thank you! I know it will πŸ’–

      Liked by 1 person

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