My life seems to be riding a rollercoaster, and not in a good way.

There are very high highs, followed quickly by very low lows. It’s all fast paced but I’m going around in circles. 

I had an amazing weekend with my friends, followed by a maddening week at work, which at least ended with work’s Xmas party that was so much fun. I managed a ride in and back with barely husband and Raven, because they were going to a Queen concert nearby. It meant I could drink without having to worry about how to get home. I laughed so much! 

They stayed here because today was Raven’s drama school performance. He even walked the dog early in the morning (I was still in bed when I heard them leave) and drove Raven there without complaints. 

Too good to be true? Definitely! Because the crap kickstarts again. Barely husband wanted to talk. He wants to improve his living condition and, consequently, Raven’s. Okay… Fair enough… Right?

He doesn’t want to wait for our house sale to buy a house. He’s been renting a one bed apartment since we split. Raven sleeps on a mattress on the floor when she’s there. 

Me, being me, immediately offer to lend him my savings for him to put a deposit in a property. He’s very grateful and the world is perfect. That is, until we start discussing details. 

I’ve been paying our mortgage in full since he moved out but, when the house is sold, he’ll still be entitled to half of the sale value (minus mortgage still owed), including half of the repayments I’ve done by myself.

He wants to buy his place, with MY MONEY, and still have me pay some sort of RENT on his part of the house. It’s frustrating.

I know I have been buying my peace but it seems like bribery now. I haven’t bought anything. Except for a temporary sense of security which is totally fake. 

I haven’t had my weekends with Raven like I’m entitled to because I didn’t want to limit her dad’s access to her. I haven’t received a penny in child support. He has paid me back for half her expenses (drama school, singing lessons, additional expenses), however, they do not include any standard living expenses and the six nights a week she spends with me as opposed to his one.

Maybe I should stop being so careful. Maybe I should stop being dumb and charge him for what I’m entitled.

I’m afraid the fight will get ugly and it will hurt Raven most of all.

But maybe that’s exactly what he needs. 

13 Comments Add yours

  1. Lanen says:

    He’s treating you like a bank, and setting precedents for when you are divorced. Time to close that lending office, chicky. You owe him nothing. Let him get mad. If he chooses not to see Raven, that’s between them and doesn’t involve you. Get what you deserve legally, and fuck his feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      That’s the problem. He won’t choose not to see her. He will choose to make my life as difficult as possible. The fights getting really ugly will affect her. I know I have been postponing a few things but I have my reasons. Hopefully I’ll be able to push harder soon.


  2. It sounds like things are already ugly and people are already getting hurt. Giving to him only seems to cause pain..
    You need to right by you, before it’s too late

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      It’s a very tough balance. I feel like I’m always losing out financially. I don’t want to make things worse for my daughter but it’s getting too much. You are right but it’s still not easy.


      1. I don’t think it’s supposed to be, I can’t think of anyone whose life is easy, or anywhere wherever it’s written that it will be. You need to battle for you and for what matters for you, if for no other reason than to show your daughter how it’s done.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. fyidivorce says:

    Do you both have an attorney?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      No. We haven’t started legal proceedings (reasons I can’t tell right now). All agreements have been informal, between us.


  4. I think you need to make him pay. He’s taking advantage and you know it, and the longer it goes on, the harder it will be when you cut the umbilical cord. Tell him you need to talk and tell him you are done letting him take advantage. Raven already knows what’s what, so who cares if he gets snippy again?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      I don’t want any trouble during their trip. I’m thinking of pushing this until they’re back. With her safely back by my side, some things can be done.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. He is taking advantage of your good nature and knows darn well the costs involved. As long as you don’t say anything, he will continue to ride that gravy train. The sad thing is that it puts Raven in the middle and that is his leverage. You can’t forever consider this and hold your peace. You deserve better as well and you are being more than gracious.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      I told him I’d think about it. I’m buying time so they get back from holiday and she’s safely home before I trigger any more anger.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Smart move and you know best.

        Liked by 1 person

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