My life seems to be riding a rollercoaster, and not in a good way.
There are very high highs, followed quickly by very low lows. It’s all fast paced but I’m going around in circles.
I had an amazing weekend with my friends, followed by a maddening week at work, which at least ended with work’s Xmas party that was so much fun. I managed a ride in and back with barely husband and Raven, because they were going to a Queen concert nearby. It meant I could drink without having to worry about how to get home. I laughed so much!
They stayed here because today was Raven’s drama school performance. He even walked the dog early in the morning (I was still in bed when I heard them leave) and drove Raven there without complaints.
Too good to be true? Definitely! Because the crap kickstarts again. Barely husband wanted to talk. He wants to improve his living condition and, consequently, Raven’s. Okay… Fair enough… Right?
He doesn’t want to wait for our house sale to buy a house. He’s been renting a one bed apartment since we split. Raven sleeps on a mattress on the floor when she’s there.
Me, being me, immediately offer to lend him my savings for him to put a deposit in a property. He’s very grateful and the world is perfect. That is, until we start discussing details.
I’ve been paying our mortgage in full since he moved out but, when the house is sold, he’ll still be entitled to half of the sale value (minus mortgage still owed), including half of the repayments I’ve done by myself.
He wants to buy his place, with MY MONEY, and still have me pay some sort of RENT on his part of the house. It’s frustrating.
I know I have been buying my peace but it seems like bribery now. I haven’t bought anything. Except for a temporary sense of security which is totally fake.
I haven’t had my weekends with Raven like I’m entitled to because I didn’t want to limit her dad’s access to her. I haven’t received a penny in child support. He has paid me back for half her expenses (drama school, singing lessons, additional expenses), however, they do not include any standard living expenses and the six nights a week she spends with me as opposed to his one.
Maybe I should stop being so careful. Maybe I should stop being dumb and charge him for what I’m entitled.
I’m afraid the fight will get ugly and it will hurt Raven most of all.
But maybe that’s exactly what he needs.