One of the lessons I have learned over these months of contemplation, after my split from barely husband, is that my happiness can’t depend on anyone.
It’s not an easy motto to go by, even if you know it makes total sense. Your head tells you to find happiness in the things you do but it’s rather easy to project this onto something or someone.
My friends have been absolutely wonderful and supportive but I have to always remind myself that they have their own lives. They are not here to serve me or, hell forbid, babysit me.
At my lowest, I would often feel abandoned and neglected if a message didn’t arrive or an invitation was not made/accepted. I would cry my eyes out.
Why? It was the feeling of rejection, because I had this dependency on others to make me feel good.
Today I can finally say I am over that. My girly night has been cancelled. One of us caught the flu. As I was supposed to stay at hers (I live far from where we were going and I can’t drive back with a brain full of alcohol) it means I can’t make it either.
Am I upset? Yes, most definitely. Is it the end of the world? Not at all.
We promised each other to reschedule soon. I know we will.
On the bright side, I have tattoo this afternoon. On my way back, I’ll get a bottle of good wine and enjoy my evening writing and reading.