I have made a tough decision.
In our informal custody agreements, barely husband claimed this year Raven would spend Xmas and New Year with him. She did spend last year with me, even if only because he chose to fly last minute to his parents after an argument with me.
I decided not to fight about that. He wants to take her to his parents, in a trip similar to the one he did alone. His parents are elderly and his mom is recovering from breast cancer (recently discovered and quickly treated, but always life threatening) and it’s an important family circle, even if she doesn’t feel totally comfortable in her own skin around them.
They are very much old fashioned, following gender stereotypes. Imagine Raven’s horror at her grandmother proudly showing her a pink skirt she bought for her. Raven’s wardrobe consists 90% of black and grandma knows she’s not girly but I digress…
My own mother offered to fly me out for the holidays, since I didn’t want to spend the money. This would mean using part of my days off in a family trip where my daughter would not be with me.
The main risk of not going is to spend Christmas alone. I could crash a friend’s party but Xmas is a family affair. It might be awkward and an invitation would have to come. I refuse to invite myself.
New Year is an easier proposition. I could even organise a party in my house if needed. If my daughter can’t be with me, I honestly would prefer to spend it with someone fucking my brains out but considering it’s already September and I haven’t met anyone – remember, I want a meaningful, committed relationship, not a one night stand – that’s hardly going to happen, the party with friends sounds like a great option.
My decision? I’ll risk it. I want to save my days off to be spent with Raven. Maybe take her abroad again, to see my family instead, a full four hour flight from barely husband’s. If he can’t make it to see my family, I can’t make it to see his either. I think that’s just fair.