AROUND IN CIRCLES

Barely husband seems to have chosen to ultimately blame my sexual orientation for the failure of my marriage. For the ones who don’t know, I am Pansexual.

He keeps distorting the facts, trying to blame me for not telling him about it when I clearly told him that I had been involved with women before. We had just started dating then and his reception to it was the worst possible. After the horrible rant, he chose to ignore it and, it seems, erase it from his memory.

When I reminded him I did indeed tell him, he tried to say we were drunk and that wasn’t a proper conversation. We were not drunk. We had gone to a restaurant and we were getting to know each other through a meal. We were not clubbing, sending senseless amounts of alcohol down our throats.

He then says I should have told him again after we got married. I asked him what for? To hear all the crap he had already told me again? I am no masochist.

He now preaches honesty and openness in a relationship. I completely agree with that but his outbursts were the very reason I started recoiling and keeping things in. I just wanted to avoid fights.

He is trying to fit the story to blame me, that is clear. I have to be held accountable, in his mind. I have to admit my guilt and apologise for my ‘lie.’ Fuck off!

When nothing works and I rebate every argument, he gives it some time, talks about something else, then goes back to I never told him.

This is exhausting and took over two hours off my sleep two nights ago.

round

It really isn’t this pretty.

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17 Comments Add yours

  1. Whilst I disagree with what he’s saying.. I understand the circular and self destuctive tendencies that can occur in your own head, where you can’t understand something and I also get how the only way you know to get out of that is to externalise it. He doesn’t understand, so that means it isn’t his fault. It’s comforting in a damaging sort of way. But despite that understanding, his actions mark him as being the bad guy here and not you. You are not responsible for his being ok with who you are (and always have been) maybe the best response should be not answering the call?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. DFMGhost says:

      What you just said makes a lot of sense to me now. The not understanding making him think he can’t be at fault and perpetuating the cycle.
      I didn’t know what he wanted to talk about when the texts started. He just asked to talk. When I tried to stop, he took the phone and called instead. My daughter answered and he made me go back to the conversation. He begs sometimes. He doesn’t see it as going around in circles. He thinks we’re making progress when I really don’t.
      Thank you for your input. Very enlightening.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Zara says:

    They never accept reality, these types of men. Hope you’re ok, keep strong within yourself. I am in the same boat – try not to lose sleep over it, he’s not worth it. I do the same and bottle it inside to avoid fights – just waiting for the pot to boil over 😡

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      I’m sorry you are in the same boat because it is a rocky one. He doesn’t affect me anymore further than making me cranky for not getting enough sleep when he rambles on. After the messages stop, I put my head on the pillow and sleep.
      I wish he could see how that affects his daughter. That is the worst part and out of my control.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Zara says:

        Ah bless you. At least you are there for your daughter and can show her positivity and strength. Maybe try napping? I have started doing that …

        Liked by 1 person

      2. DFMGhost says:

        I would love to but I don’t think my manager would be very happy with that. Lol. Red bull all the way!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Zara says:

        Been there…it’ll get better x

        Liked by 1 person

  3. bone&silver says:

    His ego is trying to find something or someone to ‘blame’; he’s in pain; try not to engage or react too much, but let it flow over you… you know the truth of what you told him, & who you’re attracted to, which needs no apology, explanation or justification. You just be You! 🙏🏼❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      Thank you! I’m working on it.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Anderson did this a lot at first. The constant cycling of anger and blame and the inability to look inward for any responsibility. He did eventually stop cycling all over me, but never did see it isn’t all my fault our marriage ended.

    Perhaps it is time to just let his calls go to voicemail and decide in the mornings which ones to return.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      He doesn’t usually call. He texts. Endlessly. It is hard not to reply sometimes. And today it started with me when I sent him the monthly bill for sharing Raven’s expenses. It’s ridiculous but it started another hour of arguments after which I am, again, financially damaged. This will be up in another post…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah. Tried telling him that you will not entertain texts of that type? You probably have – lord knows I did. I am sorry. Guys suck.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh boy, he struggles to comes to terms and in the end it’s not a matter how who is to blame and who is at fault. Clearly he needs that scape goat to set his own conscience clear. You know better and you know the truth. Take it for what it’s worth and don’t let him get to you. Robbing of sleep though is a whole different issue and one can only be patient for so long. Hugs my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      He constantly tries to blame me but I’m not having it. He tires me. It is a never ending cycle that he refuses to break until I admit my guilt, which will never happen. Thanks for the hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I understand and I have been in the same situation. I just ended up saying that he he needed a scape goat in order to live with his own guilt, I’m ok and will be it. In the end it only matters what you think and you do know the truths. No need to prove it and tire more. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. DFMGhost says:

        I do know the truth. I just wish it wasn’t so exhausting.

        Liked by 1 person

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