Down in the Dumps

I crashed again last night. It’s one of those things you can’t really prepare for… 

It’s been a hard week at work, with lots of problems and people in your own department not following the procedures you implemented to make their lives easier. Oh well… 

I was already in a downer mood and then Raven wanted to talk to my mom. My mother is supportive on the split and my impending divorce but she doesn’t realise how much pressure she puts on me to visit and make granddaughter available for her. 

Raven is going to spend Xmas and NY with her dad, wherever he wants, which seems to be his home country, and my mother seemed fit to pressure me to find a way of sending Raven to hers, even if I’m not going on holiday and those are not my assigned days. Crap! I’m not even sure what they’re doing! 

She made me feel it’s my fault. She’ll be here, spending two months, in a couple of weeks and that kind of pressure is the last thing I need in my life right now. 

She doesn’t seem to realise how much she hurts me. After I cut our conversation, I was crumpled in a ball, crying, with Raven saying ‘That was insensitive.’ 

Yes, it was. It’s tough, because I know she doesn’t want to hurt me but she’s doing exactly that. 

I’m trying to cope with what I already have on board. I certainly don’t need any extras. 

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11 Comments Add yours

  1. amybelle1 says:

    It seems to be one thing after another one doesn’t it? Stay strong life gets better x

    Liked by 3 people

    1. DFMGhost says:

      I know it will get better but, during the struggle, it’s hard to think about a happy future. I’m still trying. X

      Liked by 1 person

      1. amybelle1 says:

        You want a happy future and that’s a start =) stay strong hun x

        Liked by 1 person

  2. bone&silver says:

    Yeah, you’ve really got a lot to cope with… it’s only human to lose it sometimes! Take a deep breath, and remember this too will pass…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. DFMGhost says:

      We resorted to dancing and singing to our favourite rock songs in the living room last night. My Instagram story took the hit. At least people are saying it’s funny.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. fattytomend says:

    Oh parents. They always have the best intentions but worst processes. Hug

    Liked by 1 person

    1. fattytomend says:

      It’s not you. You’re doing the best you can. And that’s all that matters. It’s not an easy situation at all.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. DFMGhost says:

        She was at it again last night and I had to cut her off. Hopefully she’ll take the hint. She wanted to know details of his trip. I have no idea!
        I know she means well and she wants to spend more time with us but this time will now be divided. I don’t like it either but it’s the price I have to pay.

        Like

  4. Maybe it is exactly how you say when you mention that she doesn’t realize. You seem to be convinced and you know she doesn’t want to hurt you, could you perhaps help her understand that this behavior is a bit much now and that you already carry so much weight on your shoulders? Would she understand or would she get her feelings hurt, perhaps even turn defensive?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      I am trying to explain to her. I’m not too tough because she has her own problems and has been battling depression for a while. That’s the main reason she wants us close. It’s reassurance for her too.
      She’s coming in two weeks to spend two months at mine. We’ll be able to talk more and she’ll see the situation for herself. I hope she understands.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think she will once she gets a closer glimpse. Best of luck my dear.

        Liked by 1 person

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