I crashed again last night. It’s one of those things you can’t really prepare for…
It’s been a hard week at work, with lots of problems and people in your own department not following the procedures you implemented to make their lives easier. Oh well…
I was already in a downer mood and then Raven wanted to talk to my mom. My mother is supportive on the split and my impending divorce but she doesn’t realise how much pressure she puts on me to visit and make granddaughter available for her.
Raven is going to spend Xmas and NY with her dad, wherever he wants, which seems to be his home country, and my mother seemed fit to pressure me to find a way of sending Raven to hers, even if I’m not going on holiday and those are not my assigned days. Crap! I’m not even sure what they’re doing!
She made me feel it’s my fault. She’ll be here, spending two months, in a couple of weeks and that kind of pressure is the last thing I need in my life right now.
She doesn’t seem to realise how much she hurts me. After I cut our conversation, I was crumpled in a ball, crying, with Raven saying ‘That was insensitive.’
Yes, it was. It’s tough, because I know she doesn’t want to hurt me but she’s doing exactly that.
I’m trying to cope with what I already have on board. I certainly don’t need any extras.