He’s Testing Me

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I realised today that barely husband is testing me. Why and what for, I have no idea. 

Yesterday, he texted me if he could spend the night here because he would be on a training course halfway to ‘our’ house. I said fine. He’s stayed before, always in the downstairs guest bedroom. 

When I got home, with the Taco Bell dinner Raven had asked me to get, he was spread out on the couch, hadn’t fed or walked ‘his’ dog. Fine. I ate, because I was starving, then did my duties. 

This morning, he took Raven to Drama school, not before she checked she was going to come back home because she hadn’t packed yet. When he came back, he was talking nonstop about wanting Turkish food. He wanted us to go. He talked about it all morning. 

About 20 minutes before the time we were meant to pick Raven up, he asked me to pack her clothes because he was going to get her and go back to his. Excuse me? I didn’t say goodbye to her because she was coming back home. I told him that and and got a face that asked ‘what’s wrong?’ and the comment ‘You can say goodbye to her through WhatsApp.’ When asked about lunch, he told me we hadn’t agreed to anything. 

Instead of arguing, I went to her bedroom and packed her a bag. I dropped it in front of him without saying a word. He looked offended. He asked me many times if I was angry or upset. To each of them, I replied ‘ No,’ and put on a (fake) smile. 

By the time he was supposed to leave, he was playing an online game and couldn’t stop. He asked me to pick her up so I could say ‘goodbye.’ I just went. She knew there was something wrong straight away. I told her and apologised. She asked me to never hide anything from her. 

When we got home, he asked me a million more times if I was angry. To each and every one of them, I said ‘No’ and smiled.

He asked her to get changed. Basically it took the same time as if she had come home to pack. 

To top it off, when they were leaving, he asked if I wanted to have lunch with them. I said that I was going shopping instead. 

I did go shopping. I spent on things I wanted. On things my daughter needed and wanted. It felt great! Retail therapy at its best!

I’m not sure what he expects to achieve from this, but he wants me to lose my temper. I will not give him the pleasure. 

If he wants an argument to get some ‘angry sex’, like a friend suggested, he’s not getting it from me. I don’t work like that and his tactics baffle me. 

Well, his tactics to improve our relationship always baffled me too. Go figure! 

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15 Comments Add yours

  1. bone&silver says:

    Ugh! The manipulation and inconsistency drives me CRAZY- I personally wouldn’t be letting him in my house… but of course it’s your story, your blog, your marriage

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      This one is still half his house and that’s the problem. I need to get it sold and get my own, with my half, which will be perfectly good. The rules will be different then.
      To achieve that, I’m doing all I can. I need patience right now.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. bone&silver says:

        Aha! Thanks for explaining. Wow, how frustrating for you; you’re doing an incredible job of being patient!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. DFMGhost says:

        It’s not easy. The house is on the market, we had viewings, people like it, but it’s not sold yet. I’m doing my best but it’s not up to me only.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Good thing you can see right through these tactics these days. You got this and you are doing amazing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      I consciously hold back my temper because I know what he wants and I’m not giving it to him. The effect afterwards is horrible and I’m still learning to deal with them. Shopping worked well to distract me. Talking about it straight away took a lot of the weight. I still don’t know what he expects to gain from it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think it’s desperation and he is trying to revoke a reaction. Maybe he thinks you give into mad sex like you said if he catches you at the right time, vulnerable and in need of a human touch. Not worth it no matter how bad it gets as it will only complicate things and you worked hard to get to where you are at. Stay strong dear, it will pass eventually

        Liked by 1 person

      2. DFMGhost says:

        I constantly ask myself if he knows anything about me; if he knows me at least a little, because if that’s what he wants, he should know I don’t do mad sex. If I’m mad at you, I don’t want you touching me. I always tried to stay away, in a quiet room to calm down. I say tried because he loved to go after me and start discussions I was not ready to have and we ended up fighting more.
        Well, I think that answers it. He still doesn’t know me and is still doing things his way but his way doesn’t work for me.

        Like

  3. I too am not sure what he hopes to achieve with this. Reaffirm that the fighting and the petty games are not what you want in a marriage? Funny how Anderson’s behavior after we separated did far more to convince me that I was doing the right thing than his behavior before. Stay strong – this too shall pass soon. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      All I can do right now is not fall on his trap. Whatever he wants, it’s not good. Raven told me today he bought a self-help book. At least he seems to realise he needs help. Hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sad that a kind her age has to know this much about her dad’s shortcomings. 😦 Hugs to you as well – try not to let it get to you.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Anonymous says:

    That sounds very frustrating and confusing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      It certainly is. I wish it was simple…

      Like

  5. fattytomend says:

    He seems so inconsiderate and self involved. Urgh. Are there men out there that care enough to pick up on emotions rather than just play dumb and annoy u more?!

    Liked by 1 person

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