I always tend to go back and analyse things, be it what I write in my posts or what happens in my daily life.
I was very excited before the weekend started. A last minute cancellation gave me an early start to my tattoo, Raven and I had been enjoying the week off at home in our typical ‘winging it’ style, my writer friends and I agreed on our weekend getaway and I had finally made an appointment with a hairdresser to get my promised haircut.
Barely husband would be working that weekend so he had initially told me Raven would stay with me. Then he changed his mind. She was upset. She didn’t want to go but we both knew there was no getting away. I drove her there after Drama School to give him time to get home (when he’s on weekends, it’s usually only for a couple of hours so he would be home for lunch).
Because I was starving, I agreed to have lunch with them. It was fine but things started going sour soon after. Barely husband was pushing for me to have a few drinks, meaning I wouldn’t be able to drive home. I’m sure he was hoping I’d stay the night but he kept on saying I could get the train home. Erm… NO! He was persistent but I was firm. I wasn’t drinking and I was driving home.
He then decided to go to a Dr. Martens shoe shop. Raven has been wanting one specific pair from them for a while and barely husband has been looking for a better deal or a sale. Just last weekend, we went to another Dr. Martens shop but he thought it was expensive. Right then he said he was going to give it to her.
She found the one she wanted and it was for a price he deemed right. When time to pay came, he told her to buy it herself. I looked at him with a bitch face as if asking WTF? When he asked what the problem was, I told him I thought he was going to give it to her. He starts a speech about if she’s going to get it as a gift, I should be the one paying for it as his birthday presents for her were more expensive than mine.
That annoyed me, especially considering I had given her an early present, a pair of custom, handmade, leather boots that you can only buy in a little shop in Camden Town, London, and those boots cost more than his two presents together. I had agreed with her that would be her present but he guilt tripped me into buying her something else so she wouldn’t be ’empty handed’ on the day. HE guilt tripped me, not her.
My mood dropped immediately and Raven had to intervene and say she would pay and it was fine because an argument was brewing. We left the shop and I shut up but he kept on talking. He went on and on and on. I repeated many times, in a very low and controlled tone, that I had nothing else to say and I was sorry if I misheard. I wasn’t even looking at him or I would explode.
I was basically ignoring him and all I wanted was to get away. Immediately. He decided to give Raven the money back for the shoes because ‘I made him feel guilty.’ FUCK OFF!
I went home feeling pissed off and wishing I could go out and get drunk. At home, I had my breakdown. I was pissed off, frustrated, sad, lonely… all at the same time.
On Sunday, he further angered me when he called me, still at work, saying he was going to bring Raven home early because he was tired and needed rest. Really? Did he do all this just to get me there and not to spend time with her?
When he came, he decided to watch a movie in the living room. I went back to the bedroom where I had been finishing a tutorial on a new writing software I’m trialling on my laptop. Raven was with me, playing on her phone and showing me random YouTube videos.
He left and I guess he felt he’d overstayed his welcome. He almost left without saying bye.
There is no chance in hell we’re getting back together. Maybe I should stop being polite and just tell him that.