PONDERING

on

I always tend to go back and analyse things, be it what I write in my posts or what happens in my daily life.

I was very excited before the weekend started. A last minute cancellation gave me an early start to my tattoo, Raven and I had been enjoying the week off at home in our typical ‘winging it’ style, my writer friends and I agreed on our weekend getaway and I had finally made an appointment with a hairdresser to get my promised haircut.

Barely husband would be working that weekend so he had initially told me Raven would stay with me. Then he changed his mind. She was upset. She didn’t want to go but we both knew there was no getting away. I drove her there after Drama School to give him time to get home (when he’s on weekends, it’s usually only for a couple of hours so he would be home for lunch).

Because I was starving, I agreed to have lunch with them. It was fine but things started going sour soon after. Barely husband was pushing for me to have a few drinks, meaning I wouldn’t be able to drive home. I’m sure he was hoping I’d stay the night but he kept on saying I could get the train home. Erm… NO! He was persistent but I was firm. I wasn’t drinking and I was driving home.

He then decided to go to a Dr. Martens shoe shop. Raven has been wanting one specific pair from them for a while and barely husband has been looking for a better deal or a sale. Just last weekend, we went to another Dr. Martens shop but he thought it was expensive. Right then he said he was going to give it to her.

She found the one she wanted and it was for a price he deemed right. When time to pay came, he told her to buy it herself. I looked at him with a bitch face as if asking WTF? When he asked what the problem was, I told him I thought he was going to give it to her. He starts a speech about if she’s going to get it as a gift, I should be the one paying for it as his birthday presents for her were more expensive than mine.

That annoyed me, especially considering I had given her an early present, a pair of custom, handmade, leather boots that you can only buy in a little shop in Camden Town, London, and those boots cost more than his two presents together. I had agreed with her that would be her present but he guilt tripped me into buying her something else so she wouldn’t be ’empty handed’ on the day. HE guilt tripped me, not her.

My mood dropped immediately and Raven had to intervene and say she would pay and it was fine because an argument was brewing. We left the shop and I shut up but he kept on talking. He went on and on and on. I repeated many times, in a very low and controlled tone, that I had nothing else to say and I was sorry if I misheard. I wasn’t even looking at him or I would explode.

I was basically ignoring him and all I wanted was to get away. Immediately. He decided to give Raven the money back for the shoes because ‘I made him feel guilty.’ FUCK OFF!

I went home feeling pissed off and wishing I could go out and get drunk. At home, I had my breakdown. I was pissed off, frustrated, sad, lonely… all at the same time.

On Sunday, he further angered me when he called me, still at work, saying he was going to bring Raven home early because he was tired and needed rest. Really? Did he do all this just to get me there and not to spend time with her?

When he came, he decided to watch a movie in the living room. I went back to the bedroom where I had been finishing a tutorial on a new writing software I’m trialling on my laptop. Raven was with me, playing on her phone and showing me random YouTube videos.

He left and I guess he felt he’d overstayed his welcome. He almost left without saying bye.

There is no chance in hell we’re getting back together. Maybe I should stop being polite and just tell him that.

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11 Comments Add yours

  1. Subtlety and tact have their place, but this isn’t it. Brutal honesty may help in the long run, but there’ll be tears before it’s over.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. DFMGhost says:

      There have been plenty of tears, even with subtlety. I expect a lot more, not only from him. It’s hard.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. But eventually, better things ahead and Raven seems to be fairly level headed and a credit to you

        Liked by 1 person

      2. DFMGhost says:

        She is. If she wasn’t, I would probably be completely lost right now. Thank you!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. bone&silver says:

    He sounds SO passive aggressive and manipulative! Just say No, or ignore his drama. Practise your healthy boundaries, cos you’re modelling that for your daughter.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      He can be. Very. I’m trying to keep my head cool but sometimes it’s hard. My daughter keeps me sane. She sees through his actions, which is a blessing.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. nkdwhtguy says:

    Damn, that was really shitty of him to do that! You handled it very well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      It was and it affected me quite badly. I’m trying to use my head. When I lose my temper, it’s not a pretty sight and I don’t want to be the unhinged ex. He can have the title if he wants.

      Like

  4. I’m afraid it will take brutal honesty for things to set into reality for him. 😔 hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      I think it will come to that. I’m sure he will go aggressive then, not passive-aggressive, but I need this. He says he’s trying to win me back and he does try for a while. When he reverts back to the behaviour I hate, he simply shows me it would be me walking on eggshells forever. I can’t. Not anymore. Hugs 💙💖

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are right and if it takes constant effort on his behalf to behave the way you need him to and it doesn’t cone natural, you would only be waiting for disaster to happen.
        It’s hard and I relate, it all takes time but you already know the path. Xo.

        Liked by 1 person

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