It’s not a trick question but the answer is tricky. After the recent episodes with barely husband that I discussed here and here, I distanced myself from him, which ultimately caused him to break down.
He didn’t initially confess he’d gotten himself very drunk after driving back from Scotland. He then confessed to having cried all day. He begged me to be his friend because he feels isolated. He says he needs my support but I don’t think it’s healthy that he clings onto me.
I don’t like seeing him broken. I wish he would allow people in. I am trying so hard to rebuild my friendships and even harder to make new friends – it doesn’t come without effort from both sides – and he should try too.
He said he cried because he can’t bear the thought of me being happy without him and he knows that’s what I’m trying to do. It sounds selfish but I don’t feel he means it that way. He is very lost but I can’t be his North forever. He doesn’t understand how my feelings don’t magically come back, how I can’t be with him after all the good things we had together.
There were many wonderful things indeed but, over the last few years, it was torture for me: he crushed every bit of me, he blamed me for every problem and called me horrible things. He admits now he had it completely wrong and he did it the wrong way. He wanted me to change some things so he made me feel like shit in the hope I would. I don’t respond well to pressure like this. My stubborn side comes out and prevails.
He wore my feeling off slowly and steadily. I don’t hate him, exactly because of all the good things we shared but they don’t erase the bad ones.
He was trying again to get together as a family for Raven’s birthday. She’s having a party at mine with her friends. He will come then she goes with him until Monday (bank holiday) and he wants me to go spend the night so we can go to a restaurant she enjoyed going with him. As I spoke to him on a video call and he made the suggestion, I could see Raven making a cut-throat gesture.
Like me, she is happier with the split, even if it means sharing her time between two households. As I ended the call, she turned to me and said “Don’t you dare!”
I won’t dare.