You may have noticed from my previous post that I picked Raven up from Drama. Her dad usually does it but he had driven to Scotland and back for work and was exhausted. I noticed his voice was very rough when I called him to ask if he was going to get her.

We took the opportunity to have lunch together at one of her favourite restaurants and talk about her current K-Pop obsession. 

She also had a friend’s birthday party to go to, so I offered to drive her to her dad’s after the party instead. He initially refused but over lunch texted me saying he would accept my offer.

When we got there, I immediately noticed his face. It wasn’t good. It was swollen but I decided not to mention anything in front of Raven.

Things were a bit awkward and he wanted to go out for dinner but I was still full from lunch. He said he thought I might stay over when I reminded him of the dog.

I decided to drive home as staying there wasn’t helping. He walked down with me to go to the market and buy pizzas for him and Raven. I wanted a Red Bull for the drive back. 

He unloaded on me. He said he can’t live like this. He had cried all day and that’s why he couldn’t pick Raven up. He thought about running away, just disappearing without even telling us. I didn’t know what to say. In a way, I’m causing it but I’m going to be the miserable one if I go back. 

I drove home and was hit by torrential rain. It was a flash rain and I remained calm. If there’s one thing my dad taught me was how to drive with surface water or mud.

When it passed, a rainbow appeared to remind me of who I am; to remind me of the beauty that only appears when light meets darkness; only when sunlight clashes with the raindrops.

I can’t change. I won’t change. I’m not looking back. 

11 Comments Add yours

  1. Before we decided to divorce, when my husband and I would fight and I would let him know how unhappy I was, he used to threaten suicide. That is the most awful feeling, ever, to hear your spouse say that they may hang themselves in the bedroom closet, and know that you could come home from work to find that. The implication that it would be my fault for leaving… I don’t think now that he meant it – I think he just said it to manipulate… And I despise him for that.

    You are not responsible for his happiness. You can be kind and stable and respectful, but it is not up to you to make his world what he wants it to be. His trying to guilt you is not fair to you. Stay the course so you can find your own rainbow after the storm. There is one. Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. DFMGhost says:

      He meant leave the country, go live in close to his family and childhood friends. He is trying to guilt trip sme though. It’s hard. I’ll write to you tomorrow explaining better. Right now I feel totally drained. Thanks for the hugs. I need them!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I understood he didn’t mean suicide, but it is still pretty crappy to lay that kind of guilt trip on you.

        Get some rest. Hope you feel better.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. DFMGhost says:

        It is crappy. The difference is that I think he would have done it hadn’t it been for a reason I’ll explain privately. I feel exhausted today. Not a great way to start the week.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. ZiZi says:

    I wonder had he put this much effort into making a lasting loving relationship with you from the beginning…..how much passion and love-filled your marriage would have been. He sounds damn near perfect now (minus the little manipulation games here and there)…..

    Liked by 2 people

    1. DFMGhost says:

      Indeed. He admits that he did everything wrong, that he treated me like trash (his words). He asks me to think of the good things we shared and not to focus on the bad stuff. I tell him I do but it doesn’t erase the bad. The bad is what slowly killed my feelings. Now he’s dealing with the aftermath.


  3. tarnishedsoul says:

    I have a rainbow picture too that is a wonderful reminder, as well. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      It is a great symbol. It made me smile.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. tarnishedsoul says:

        It’s pretty…just like us! πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

      2. DFMGhost says:

        Hell yeah! πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

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