I turned 40. I don’t feel any different from before but this age means something. It’s the midlife point, often associated with the famous midlife crisis.
Barely husband has accused me before of doing all this due to some sort of midlife crisis. He has dropped this argument since we started getting on as friends.
Talking about friends, three of my high school friends came to spend the weekend with me. I took Friday off and we started our fun filled with food and drinking. It was amazing! Barely husband joined us for a lot of it and enjoyed it himself.
While we were together, he would always finds problems to meet my friends but when he eventually did, he realised they are nice people. It was good to see him having fun but the feeling for me was that he was just one of my friends. There was absolutely nothing romantic there. That remains unchanged. He has asked me again.
Back to my midlife, I remember one of the things our therapist said in our short lived attempt at counselling: ’40 is not old. You still have half your life to live, so choose to live it happily.’
I am making that choice every single day now. There’s no going back for pity or safety. I just can’t do it anymore. I am doing the things I want and that bring me happiness.
For my birthday wish, I wished love. Beautiful, unconditional love. That will be the last piece of the puzzle. I believe it’s out there and I hope to find it.