Last night I crashed. I’m not sure why but suddenly I started thinking about the future and the uncertainties got the better of me. I started crying uncontrollably.
A scene crossed my mind that I would fall in love with someone and be rejected. To be honest, I wasn’t even really rejected in the scene that unfolded, it could be called a brain fart, but it seemed my baggage of being almost 40, with a daughter and recently divorced was discouraging my imaginary love interest of getting involved with me.
Is that what I really think of myself? That I, as a person, wouldn’t be interesting enough to get someone to love me, getting over these common obstacles in today’s society?
I am scared. I am pursuing a divorce because I want peace now and I can’t have it while we’re together but, ultimately, I want to feel loved and love someone so deeply that our souls connect.
Will I ever be able to?