Three Months

Today marks a strange anniversary for me. The last time I had sex. Oh, well… Some things are really important, you know? 

Barely husband had just come back from his family visit trip that started with an outburst of anger for me not wanting to flow through with our original travel plans. That’s a mouthful, I know. 

I didn’t really want it. I cried all through it but he couldn’t see me as it was dark.

I had had such a great, peaceful and fun time with Raven with him not being there that I think that moment was when I really made my mind up that I didn’t want to be in this relationship anymore. 

 The attempt at counselling was more for his sake than mine, as I was hoping to part in good terms as opposed to patching up the relationship. 

Tough one. I said before I am a very sexual person and I have managed to find some solace in toys. Yes, I have an account with a very good sex toy supplier which has been a lifesaver. 

This situation is not sustainable though. There’s no skin, no special touch, no excitement. It covers my basic needs but one day, I will need to move on. 

Will it be the right move? Will I choose the right person? Will it be what I dream of and write about in my book? Will it be just a disappointment? 

I don’t know. I really don’t. One day I will have to take a gamble to find out. 

A/N: I originally posted as two months but it’s actually three. Two months ago, he moved out! Three months and I’m still sober… 

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18 Comments Add yours

  1. tarnishedsoul says:

    I was about to write my own post about missing physical intimacy…
    …I feel desperate, sadly enough.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      We are together in this in a way… Maybe that’s why our conversation has been going that way… 😘

      Liked by 1 person

      1. tarnishedsoul says:

        LOL…I’m sure that IS the reason, for sure.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. DFMGhost says:

        And I’ve just updated because it’s actually three months, not two!
        The reason is that and the fact we can be 100% open and honest with each other. 😘

        Liked by 1 person

      3. tarnishedsoul says:

        That’s what makes a great friendship, for sure! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You remind me that it has been 2 months (today) since MS and I last made love. Sigh… I miss his touch.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      I feel you! At least your last time was amazing… Mine was meh…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It was amazing! But does that make me miss it more? God, how I miss that man’s touch. Sigh…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. DFMGhost says:

        I’m sure it does. If it was bad, you wouldn’t miss it… Soon…

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Ms brown says:

    I can attest to the fact that the longer you go without (as with anything) the less you will crave, (eventually) until it becomes irrelevant

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      I understand that but, at the same time, I don’t really want it to become irrelevant. I would like to feel, to desire someone again. My fear is that I will never find someone to fulfill my new expectations.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Ms brown says:

    I guess we all have our fears, though they may differ. Unfortunately, I have been so disappointed throughout my life that I have taught myself to not have expectations, which translates into no disappointment. Sad maybe, but true and how I “cope”… I hope you remain hopeful…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      I’m trying. I’m not sure where I’m going yet but I hope it’s a good place. πŸ’–πŸ’™

      Like

  5. I hear you my strong beautiful friend. This won’t last forever and will be a thing of the past soon, hopefully. Many hugs to you. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      I’m moving on and moving forward. Thanks for the hugs!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. That’s a courageous post. πŸ™‚ I can relate. To the feeling of lack but also the feeling of sometimes this is just better than the entanglement that comes with relationships we are not ready for.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      Thank you! It still amazes me at how many people relate to what I write. I felt so isolated for a while.
      I miss the physical contact but I don’t want it to be meaningless and purely physical. I want to love and feel loved. I don’t want to waste my feelings.

      Liked by 1 person

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