While I start to put the pieces of me back together, in a slow and meticulous process, I can’t help but feel barely husband is still very much broken.
Raven went to Drama School, as she does every Saturday morning, and he was supposed to pick her up and go straight to his. Instead, I get a call from him, just as I returned home from dropping her off. He wanted to talk about a couple of things we have to sort out then he asked if he could come around as he was already on his way.
It is still his house and he wouldn’t really have to ask but it’s nice that he does. I said yes and he was happy.
He walked in and I made us some tea. He was telling me about all the good things he can do in his new place. He has moved to a relatively big city. His apartment is in a complex where there’s a gym, pubs, restaurants and market all there for him. He’s also within walking distance of the buzzing city centre. He loves that.
He’s shocked that I haven’t been out. He asked me if I had met up with any friends since my “authors on tour” weekend with my writer friends. He can’t believe I don’t feel like going out. I am content with spending my evenings in with my books.
I need this time for myself. He doesn’t understand it because he very much wants to go out but he feels lonely and finds it hard to find company. The lack of effort from the past few years has come back to bite.
He got emotional. He says he agrees with my decisions but they are tough on him. He can’t see himself living like this long term and he says he may move back to the place he grew up in. He feels like a horrible person as this would make his contact with Raven more difficult. It will mean living and ocean apart.
He needs to make his decisions and trace his path. I can’t do that for him. I used to do it then get blamed for whatever went wrong.