EMOTIONAL WRECK

The last 24 hours have been extremely difficult.

Barely husband used our first counselling session to vilify me.

He was extremely eager to tell his side of the story. There is truth in it but it’s as if he wanted to make my actions seem unreasonable. 

When asked a question by the counsellor, he didn’t reply. He went on another speech about whatever he wanted to say that he had prepared beforehand over the week as he admitted himself. 

He said I’m cold but I was the only one getting emotional there. He says I turn Raven cold when she is anything but.

Today he was crying again as he moved out and I was tasked with helping. I spent the day doing his bidding. Raven stayed there with him because he wanted her to. I drove home and my head is pounding. 

I want to drown myself in wine but it would just bring my migraine. I want to eat a whole tub of Ben & Jerry’s but I know I’ll regret it. 

I have cried my eyes out. I am a total wreck. 

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18 Comments Add yours

  1. This could be me describing my counseling sessions with my Anderson. Him telling the counseling that I only wanted him to change. That it was always about him changing. That I don’t support him in anything. All of my faults and flaws. Don’t let it get to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      Except with me the problem is that he wants me to change and I refuse to. I put him through all this pain of moving and I don’t give him anything. He thinks he is allowed to torture me because things didn’t happen like in a fairytale as I supposedly promised.
      I don’t want it to get to me but it already has. I’m feeling physically sick right now. He made a point of Raven staying with him so I’d be alone to ‘feel it’. I’m such a mess right now.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Just breathe. If he is bent on playing the victim (as my husband is), there is nothing you can do to change it. You just need to figure out that you don’t have to allow his words to weasel their way into your heart and brain. I know it is easier said than done, and takes time. I still have trouble staying about it sometimes.

        But there truly is no other way but to let it go.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The beginning of change is always the hardest. Don’t be surprised he is trying to justify himself. If he truly was in love, he would be bending over backwards to make you happy, not this I’m right and she’s wrong stuff. Who really wants to live with that crap when one has already decided this is not working. I mean really, does he think that’s going to make you change your mind and stay with him? Just keep reminding you are doing what’s best for all three of you. He won’t realize that until he has someone new in his life. I’m sorry it is such a crazy time but it will not last and everything is going to get better!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      Thank you! He tries to do the things that I asked him to. He actually does most of them but they always come with the reminder that he is trying and I’m not putting as much effort as him. Also this going back to everything he had to ‘endure’ for me ends up killing all the effort. I will pursue the counselling a while longer as I hope she can make him see what he’s actually doing.
      Thank you for your support. I really hope I can stay strong.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You can only do what you can do. It sounds like Raven understands

        Liked by 1 person

      2. DFMGhost says:

        She does. More than anyone. 💖

        Liked by 1 person

  3. In a conversation with H last night he actually told me that our counselor ruined our marriage. He thinks this because he doesn’t want to believe things are so bad, that she put these ideas in my head when all she really did was help me realize that I don’t need to be treated like this. Funny thing is he doesn’t even realize he treats me bad, so how can he change. Even if I tell him what it is he is doing he doesn’t listen. So frustrating.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      In our case, she can’t make it worse. I’ve already asked for the divorce and said I can’t stand doing everything he wants anymore.
      He told her in our first session he thinks there’s no saving the relationship and that’s the last ditch attempt to do so.
      There are things he doesn’t see still. Others he does but I still feel it’s too little too late.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I only wish H would be willing to just let me go. He keeps fighting which I guess is noble of him but it just makes things so much more difficult for me. I want to leave, I don’t want to hurt him even more. If he would just let go it would be so much easier.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. DFMGhost says:

        I have wished he would just accept it many times. Every occasion I had an outburst and said I wanted out that brought a horrible fight and mean words from his that turned into an apology and request to try the following day. I want him to be happy. I’m hoping the counselling will help him let go.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. OMG…it’s like our lives could be mirror images in so many ways. I get tired out the constant outbursts and apologizes from H as well. It is exhausting. Good luck to you..hugs.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. DFMGhost says:

        Good luck to us! Hugs.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. I just wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you. Stay strong and f**k the world and everybody else.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      I have my moments then I pick myself up and move on. I’m enjoying where I am right now. It’s just me and Raven and that’s what we wanted. If this is financially sustainable, it makes things a lot easier.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. He is playing one of his last cards in the hopes to push you into guilt which would ultimately make you surrender to him. For him it means you stay around in the familiar for him comfortable circumstances. For you it means guilt and living in misery, putting your feelings aside once more and suffer in loneliness. I’m so sorry my dear friend but I’m afraid it will get worse before it will get better. Many hugs, much love and strength to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DFMGhost says:

      I know that. Unfortunately knowing it doesn’t make it any easier. We have our second session tonight. I’m dreading it in a way.
      Raven has been adamant we need to divorce asap. I am scared but following through with it.
      Thank you for being my friend. 💖

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know you know and I’m merely confirming that once again I’m finding myself right on the same pages as you are. We know everything that needs to happen and yet we lack the execution and sacrifice out own lives in order to not hurt others. I know it will come to an end. Love you and thank you for always being there for me.

        Liked by 1 person

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