It’s been a tough week. The argument about lack of sex escalated to the divorce talks again. It’s not a surprise from my side but when barely husband says it, it’s because he’s on his hate phase.
He made me write down an agreement, a set of commitments for after the split. There was nothing really surprising in there: visitation, custody, costs split… But it is strange to see it all in black and white. It makes it all very clear, especially how hard things will be made for Raven, split into two households with financial strain for both. She knows it and still told me to carry on with it.
He then decided to stay one night in a hotel close to work. It was a peaceful evening which is a bad omen for the relationship. He came back the following day apologising so he was back to loving mode again.
On Saturday Raven went to a friend’s house for a sleepover so we went out. We had fun for most of the night, chatting like old times, until the conversation became heavy again. There was no fight but he questions my lack of feelings and why I ‘refuse’ to try, even though all I’ve done is try for the past 8 months or so.
Being engineers, I used an unwelcome analogy (to him) on elasticity: the property of solid materials to return to their original shape and size after the forces deforming them have been removed.
He may be making a humongous effort to remove the deforming forces but I’m afraid I had already reached my elastic limit and passed my breaking point.