Barely husband has accused me of not trying then told me he knows I’m trying. All I can say is that I am trying but if trying means making everything pretty and colourful right now, it’s not going to happen.
I am trying to spend less time online, with my ‘not real’ friends, as he calls them. I make an effort to put the phone down and have a conversation with him. I make a point of creating dialogue between him and our daughter.
Still, because I don’t want sex, that counts as not making an effort in his books. He thinks I should ‘make an effort’ to be intimate with him, to rekindle the romance. He doesn’t realise that the way he sees it is upside down. The desire should come from things being well, not the other way around.
He doesn’t understand why I wanted sex before he went away for the holidays and now I don’t. He works like clockwork: after 4 days without it, he starts getting restless. I don’t work like that. There’s a mood component. If I don’t want it, I don’t want it. I have my moments of serious wanting, a physical need, but that’s not tied to any schedule. Hormones? Maybe.
He asked me if I would be upset if he looked for it elsewhere. I think about it and I can’t say I would but that would also mean we’d be past the point of no return. It just wouldn’t be worth the effort anymore.
I made myself clear.