It’s hardly been a week since barely husband’s return and my daughter turned to me and said “Mom, I preferred it when it was only the two of us.”
That was difficult to hear but not because of me; because of her and what we have been putting her through. She doesn’t feel too different from how I felt when my parents had issues in their marriage.
That was the time when I started bottling things up; when I stopped allowing myself to feel and to let love find me. I went through periods of clinging to the wrong people, often bad boyfriends, who did not deserve the attention I gave them.
Funnily enough, the times when I found myself in good relationships were times when I wasn’t looking for them; times when I didn’t NEED anyone. That’s when good people crossed my path and I allowed myself to SHARE with them.
I haven’t been ‘in love’ for so long. I have never felt that way about barely husband as we discussed it in our heartfelt conversation a few weeks ago. That saddened me because I long for love. I want to be in love!
Back to the point, the main difference with my daughter is the open channel I created with Raven that I never had with my mom, let alone my dad. I want her to be able to tell me anything and I want to take her feelings into account.