Raven usually walks the dog with barely husband on weekends.
During my exhaustion episode, they did so and she came back panicked and apologising for blabbering something to him. I couldn’t understand what she was saying straight away. My brain was slow and she was too fast.
After a few minutes, after she calmed down, she explained he was having a go at her because she is an atheist. I said before I am not an atheist, even though right now I don’t follow any official religion as I can’t agree with the teachings but I totally understand her reasons.
She then told him I am a Pastafarian. He didn’t know what that was because I don’t talk about it with him, just like everything else in our lives. It’s something so simple, a fun thing, and still it was out of bounds. He does appreciate sarcasm and when, a few days later, he asked me about it, he laughed really hard at the whole Flying Spaghetti Monster thing.
The worrying part for me about this episode was Raven’s reaction. He told her then I was crazy and if I was following a cult, he would leave home immediately. I knew he wasn’t serious and I told her not to worry and I would deal with it in time. Right then I just couldn’t.
She has been my rock over the past few months and it’s far too much resposibility on her young shoulders. I feel very guilty of doing this to her. She knows my secrets, my wishes, my desires; she knows all of it. And she doesn’t want to let me down. Right then she freaked out because she thought she had.
Also, I’m sure she knows barely husband gets so consumed by fear and anger when she does not follow what is normal by social standards that he doesn’t listen. It becomes quite sad. If he can’t listen to her on something so simple and harmless, he will never be able to handle the really important issues. She’s extremely scared of the moment he finds out about her sexual orientation.
He has noticed something is brewing. I have decided to drop my straight pretense; I have been a lot more vocal on LGBTQ+ issues, especially regarding Bisexuality and clearing misconceptions; the main component of my book is exactly that and he’s reading it now – not fully understanding but reading nonetheless. He has asked me why I decided to write that story specifically. I said it is an important issue and I felt inspired to write about it. That is true, just not the whole truth. I’m not discussing Raven’s sexuality. Mine is out there and he finally sees it but hers is up to her to discuss.
She is getting more involved on the subject too. In her drama group, one of her best friends is a 13 year old gay boy who has suffered from bullying because of his sexuality and even had to change schools. He opened up to his new found friends there with Raven’s support and they welcomed him with open arms. She then felt brave enough to come out herself and they accepted her too. They are a beautiful group of kids and I can’t express how happy I am to have faced barely husband’s rage to get her there.