I have said before I am a very sexual person. I have told you of how I used barely husband as my ‘friend with benefits’ without his knowledge and when he found out he basically told me off for it. I have also told you of how I take matters upon my own hands sometimes. The fact is, with our new arrangements and the lack of sexual activities, sometimes has turned into often.
Then I got caught. It is a strange things and I was not embarrassed in the least but I was pissed off! I was in the shower, enjoying myself a little too much, it seems. I thought I was being quiet but obviously not. The stupid lock has been broken forever and he just walked in, without knocking. He couldn’t see much because my towel was hanging over the screen handle but what I was doing, especially after my reaction screaming for him to get out, was obvious.
I was extremely angry that he felt he could just walk in. He has asked me not to get changed in front of him as it brings feelings of desire he wants to contain because I have said clearly I will not have sex with him until and if I decide I want to remain married. This anger made me cry and cry and cry.
In his defence, he said he walked in because he thought I was crying and that seriously pissed me off because none of the times when I was actually crying, he came to see me.
The following day we decided to talk about it in our new open way. It wasn’t too bad then. He seemed surprised that I do it. He never thought I would. Why some men think women don’t masturbate is beyond me. He doesn’t know how to react as it turns out to be something else he didn’t know about me and seems to be caught in between being offended that I wouldn’t have sex with him but would have the need to please myself sexualy and being relieved that I am not having an affair to do so.
He’s gone as far as accuse me of having an affair a few times with no basis for it whatsoever. I don’t want an affair! I’ve said it a million times! It seems to him that, maybe because of his family history, all marital problems involve an affair and that would explain my lack of desire for him. For me it goes a lot deeper and he should have understood that by now. Maybe I’m asking too much because he has made a lot of progress in the comprehension department.
His new suggestion is that I return to my friends with benefits use of him. How kind! – please note the sarcasm! He’s suggesting I do exactly the thing he said he refused to accept. He wants sex, I know that. Probably more than I do, so he’s playing his cards, with added loads of sausages and dildos innuendos.
I think he’ll mix things up and that will not be a wise move on my part. My period came the following day easily earning a good excuse to delay any decisions. I’ve never been so glad for it!