This will be another unplanned post. People who follow my blog know I don’t do these often. I sit down and carefully line up what I’m going to write about then I start writing in a coherent and logic way.
Many years ago, I took an Emotional Intelligence test as part of the Human Resources module of my MBA. Back then it was determined I had what is called an analytical profile. I base everything on facts and logical arguments. I love numbers and analysing data. I keep my emotions in check (even though that has been hard to do lately).
The other profiles would be emotional, controlling and experimental. The opposite of analytical is emotional, which obviously means someone driven by their feelings, someone who puts relationships (of all types) ahead of anything else.
The most intriguing thing is that emotional was the second most prominent part of me and I had very little of the other two. I am sure if I had taken this test when I was young, emotional would have been first and if I took it now, controlling would have sneaked in. I have changed. A lot.
All my experiences and the choices I made hardened me and made me lose some of the carefree joy of relating to people. I think it was the trying to be perfect, to conform, to be ‘normal’ for society. Now I’m simply thinking “What the fuck is normal? Who decided it anyway?”
I am slowly trying to rebuild relationships. I ended up with no close friends, no one to share the happy times, let alone the sad moments of my life. I feel very close to a few people I have met through my writing and I want these relationships to leave the online sphere; I want to create ties.
I don’t want to let my emotional side take over because I think that can be dangerous but I want to allow myself to live it fully. I want to let go of some of the analytical and let some experimental in. Experimental is creativity, letting ideas flow and my choice to write shows me that it is good for me.
The one I don’t need right now is the controlling side. It drains me and restricts me.
This post title started as UNPLANNED and now it is what it is. Yay! Not too bad! Take one up your backside, CONTROL!