Yesterday I was surprised by an unexpected delivery in the office: a beautiful flower bouquet comprised of white daisies and champagne roses. It was from barely husband. Even though he has given me flowers before, it had never been in a public space when no event needed to be marked (e.g. wedding anniversary), explaining my shock and the curious faces of my co-workers, who gathered around expectantly while I opened the card.

It demonstrated well how things have been between us. We are at peace but I still refuse to go back to married life as if nothing had happened. It will just reactivate the fights and battle mode, I’m sure. The pressure would return and there’s something I really don’t need or want.

We are not sleeping together. I used my friends with benefits tactics before and when he realised I was doing it without feelings, as just sex, he was hurt. He had all reason to be and I will not repeat my wrongdoing there. Every time we were together it gave him false hope that I was still in love with him when I was as hard as a rock.

We are chatting daily, like we haven’t done in years but it’s not enough. At least not yet. I don’t know what the future holds but we are willing to find out in a grown up way. Through these chats there are things that we have decided to do.

After a previous fight, he decided to spend the holidays with his family. I was honestly relieved that he made the choice. Before the fight, we were going to travel to Belgium to spend Christmas with one of my old school friends and his family. I had started dreading the prospect of him being there, getting irritated by old time stories (like mention of an ex-boyfriend) and picking a fight with me in someone else’s house. I decided then I didn’t want to go and he freaked out and made the decision to go wherever he wanted to. That’s where he’d always wanted to go, so I was glad he did. Now we’re still sticking to that and I’m staying home with Raven.

He’s moving out, at least during the week. One of the main causes of his bad mood is the daily commute to work. He hates it. So he’s looking for a flat where he can stay during the week, also giving us a break from each other and time to think about what we want. We may see that being apart is the best option or it may rekindle feelings and make us realise we do want to stay together. There’s no guarantee.

He also complains that he has no time to take care of himself, to go to a gym or practice some sport. By taking away the commuting time, he’ll have over 2 hours to do just that every day. I’m hoping he finds his peace.

And I sure hope I find mine.

7 Comments Add yours

  1. Only time can tell what is meant to be and I’m happy you are dealing with all in an adult rational manner. Your future sanity depends on it.
    It’s been so crazy here, but been missing you and always think of you. Hope you are doing alright and I know you are doing the best you can. Hang in there Xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. MLYGhost says:

      We are trying to work it out. Sometimes I ask myself ‘why weren’t things always like this?’ but I still have doubts if this is a definite change or if he’s making an effort now to get me back and things will just fall apart with time. That’s what I need to find out.
      I am sorry I haven’t been following much (I quickly write and post, not reading much). My time has been reduced significantly but I intend to catch up. I miss you and somehow I feel I’m letting you down so I’m sorry!
      You too hang in there and we’ll get through it. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey there, don’t feel you are letting me down because you are not. Ok? I know you have a lot going on as well and I understand you are here in thoughts. That’s all that matters and I hope the feeling is because of your absence and nothing more. Xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I keep thinking about your words and I’m truly sorry if I made you feel like you are letting me down.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. MLYGhost says:

        No, don’t worry! My guilt did not come from your words at all. I’ve been feeling like it because I’m not spending as much time and not putting enough effort in my view. Sorry if I turned this on you but it was never my intention. 💞💞💞

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Don’t worry either 😉 just wanted to let you know.

        Liked by 1 person

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