I may not have made it clear in previous posts that I am not originally from the UK. This is my third stint in the country and I do consider it home, after all, it is where I found my true identity. My time spent in Manchester, my University days, was definitely the most important in this quest. It was the second time I moved here and the first I was completely independent and away from all family influences.
After graduating from University, I went back, even though I really did not want to. I could have stayed, got a job and sorted myself out but I suffered from family emotional blackmail, especially from my mom. My parents marriage had hit rock bottom and she needed support that my brother couldn’t give.
I settled into that life and got myself a job. Soon after I got into an explosive argument with my dad and he finally decided to leave. Their relationship had been inexistent for years, so it actually came as a relief to all.
At work I met barely husband and life progressed as expected. 7 years ago I received an offer of relocation from the company I worked for. I could go to Finland or return to the UK. My eyes were immediately sparkling but it was a family decision so we discussed thoroughly and husband was very excited about the prospect of international experience. Because of the language and general lifestyle choices, we picked the UK, sold everything and came. I never forced him. He came willingly.
Why is this important now? It is essential because barely husband wants to go away; he wants to move back to our “home country”. Even if it’s in dire economic situation and people in our profession are being laid-off and struggling to find new jobs. One of his friends has been unemployed for almost two years. Fortunately for him, his wife works in a completely different field and is well-paid, so they are surviving.
Barely husband blames all problems we’ve faced on me. He thinks his lack of friends is the country’s fault, not his refusal to interact with people to form friendships. I’m always insisting to invite a couple of colleagues or Raven’s friends parents around for dinner but he prefers to be out, not stuck at home.
He thinks he has the worst job in the world and I can’t take him seriously because he’s said that of every single job he’s had since we met. He lives in dreamland, thinking that if we go back all doors will open for us and we’ll have all companies at our feet when everybody there tells us things are difficult.
During one of our fights he said he was going back; he was leaving me and if I wanted to I’d go after him. I told him to go alone and he was shocked. I told him I’d be going against my will, just to get there and watch him complain about the same things over and over again. He knows he will do it because that’s what he did before. He’s a serial moaner and will not change. With my refusal to follow him, he backtracked very quickly. I then found out he was doing that as a test of my love for him. I guess I failed.
He wants to go back because he thinks it’s the solution to all of our problems when I am certain it is an illusion. So I refuse to go and make myself and Raven unhappy just to see the illusion shatter into a million pieces right in front of our eyes.