That’s all I feel as I sit home alone, still in my pyjamas, sipping on black coffee and nibbling on a piece of bread. It’s 11:30am and this would be frowned upon if barely husband was home. Especially as I am indulging in my 3W obsession to the max.
Raven has next week off school; It’s half term and her dad wanted us to have a family holiday. I am not ready for another one after the last disaster, so I used up every excuse in my book. He ended up taking 3 days off (Mon, Tue and Wed) and I took the remaining 2. He didn’t really like it.
He then decided that, like last year, he would take Raven to Scarefest at Alton Towers (for the non-British, it’s the Halloween nights at one of our best theme parks). It’s roughly a 2 hour drive from here, so they will spend the night. He mentioned a second night if they find something else to do in the area and I’m hoping they do. Not because of Raven and she enjoys my quiet company often, but because barely husband and I were not in the best terms as he left.
I mentioned how I sensed a storm brewing on my last post and it’s on my doorstep. Well, technically the storm followed him, so I have to enjoy this day while it lasts. It’ll come back with a vengeance, I’m sure. It’ll be the same ol’ all over again: that I’m not trying, that I’m not making an effort, that I don’t want sex… *Sigh* He’s been after me for sex all week and I just don’t feel like it; not even on my friends with benefits thinking.
It’s tough when the feeling is not there anymore and I’m too old for this casual sex thing. I feel more aroused by reading a beautiful love scene than with his approach. Damn! I confess to taking it upon my hands sometimes (literally and fuck it! You lovely readers have endured much worse from me) to give myself some release. I don’t desire him. That’s all gone, but if I say I don’t want sex it’s a big, fat lie!
I will say again for good measure: I have never cheated in my life and have no intention of doing so, unless you count the imaginary perfect being in my head when I’m helping myself! He!
This day can’t go slow enough and my plan is to enjoy every second of it my way: writing, reading and doing absolutely nothing!