The past few days have been loaded with feelings for me. I don’t post as much as I want because I think don’t have the time. Well, I decided to make that time.
Over the past few days my ‘book’ has had a surge in views and likes. If you read my previous posts, I thought about deleting the whole thing. I couldn’t get myself to do it. The plot and the characters are very dear to me and, again, my friend RhapsodyBohème had some kind words for me that saved it.
Now I’m glad it’s still there as through it I have ‘met’ some great people who have been wonderful at giving me feedback. One of them is a lovely 15 year old who’s already showing a lot of promise writing her own stories.
I made a point of thanking all of my readers and replying to all comments, so I have been sleeping only 4 hours per night. And I feel great! I want to put more effort into my writing because that’s what’s been driving me and makes me happy.
It’s something I share with my daughter too. She’s my biggest supporter. It’s our little secret.
That side of me is slowly being fulfilled, but the other side, the relationship one, is still very much empty. I started thinking about the things I would like from a relationship.
I don’t think I want much, but maybe it’s just me being deluded. I don’t think it’s all possible anymore but I decided to write it down:
- I want to go on a date where we spend hours talking about simple things: music, books, writing, singing, friends… all the things I enjoy doing and sharing experiences with each other;
- I want to be able to be myself, with all my flaws, and be accepted unconditionally. I want to tell about the things I’ve done in my life and not be crucified for it. I don’t want to have to tell half-stories because I’m walking on eggshells;
- I want to see a smile that makes me happy just by looking at it because I know I am part of what causes that smile.
- I want to kiss someone passionately. I want to give myself completely to that kiss and lose my breath because of it. Barely husband is not a kisser so hell knows how long it has been since this last happened to me… and I’m crying in the office again! Alone at lunchtime again and that’s at least good timing once more;
- I want to cuddle up in the sofa and watch some silly program, cartoons even. I’m not into many movies and definitely not rom-coms so that wouldn’t work. I’m weird as in I’d watch Avengers a million times but hate watching something romantic, but I ABSOLUTELY LOVE READING ROMANCES. Maybe I just think the scenes I imagine are better than what Hollywood has to offer…
- I want to finish writing something, be it a post for my blog or a new chapter for my book, and show it proudly at home.I don’t want to have to hide my identity as a writer so I don’t cause more fights;
- I want to go on a picnic, lie on the floor with my head on the loved one’s lap and listen to music;
- I want to make love slowly and gently then sleep in my lover’s embrace;
- I want to feel loved;
- I want to be in love and I want it to be with my best friend.
Too much? Too late? Maybe, but a girl can only dream!